Question:
Hi. let me explain something, you give me feedback.
While I was in Kosova this summer, alot of good things happened. but some screwed up stuf did too.
Me and a buddy were sitting on the steps of a school in the city we were in, and another buddy of ours was sick and stayed in the hotel. a girl who likes him so pathetically much it reeks from her came and asked us to accompany her to the hotel, about a half mile walk. we told her to ask our pastor. 5 min later she comes running out and says ok, we can go. we see my friend, and go to meet our pastor at the restraunt. little did we know that she never talked to our pastor, getting all three of us in a crap load of trouble, and wrecking the trust my pastor had in me, being the oldest.
ive decided this isnt going to be a quickly forgiven thing, and ive forgiven her, but there still seems to be a lingering sense of resentment for her, that I can't get rid of.
is this a character flaw, or.... something OK?
-Phil
Answer:
Originally Posted by 4stringfreak Hi. let me explain something, you give me feedback.
While I was in Kosova this summer, alot of good things happened. but some screwed up stuf did too.
Me and a buddy were sitting on the steps of a school in the city we were in, and another buddy of ours was sick and stayed in the hotel. a girl who likes him so pathetically much it reeks from her came and asked us to accompany her to the hotel, about a half mile walk. we told her to ask our pastor. 5 min later she comes running out and says ok, we can go. we see my friend, and go to meet our pastor at the restraunt. little did we know that she never talked to our pastor, getting all three of us in a crap load of trouble, and wrecking the trust my pastor had in me, being the oldest.
ive decided this isnt going to be a quickly forgiven thing, and ive forgiven her, but there still seems to be a lingering sense of resentment for her, that I can't get rid of.
is this a character flaw, or.... something OK?
-Phil The whole situation sounds a little strange.
For starters did you explain what happened to the pastor?
Secondly was this the only thing that happened? You say at the beggining "some screwed up stuf did too", did other stuff happen that could have affected your standing with your pastor?
Are you sure your pastor lost trust in you over this incident?
Do you resent the girl because she made you look bad in front of your pastor or because she lied to you?
Answer:
I resent her beacuse she lied to me, and as for other things, most belong between me and God, but some of the adult leaders drank on the trip, a few students smoked, it all seemed to go to hell in a handbasket... in a sense.
Answer:
Is it likely that you lost trust with the pastor (if this is even the case) because of other stuff?
You would probably get better replies for this in advice - perhaps one of the lovely GD mods could move it?
Answer:
Hmm, events like that are tough. It stands to reason you'll feel resentment to her, the best you can do is remember that you forgave her and continue on. Continue doing the best you can, work to regain the trust your pastor had in you, and learn from the experience.
And most importantly, learn from the experience (yes, I said that twice). Because if you don't take the lesson to heart about all the events of the trip, chances are you'll never survive a repeat.
Answer:
Well, I guess you need to figure out whether forgiveness is an option or not, I think the Bible is pretty clear on that:
Mat 6:14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Mat 6:15 "But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Mar 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
Mar 11:26 "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
Luk 17:3 "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you,* rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Luk 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you,* saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."
Mat 18:34 "And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
Mat 18:35 "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Forgiveness is not optional for the righteous man. We are commanded to forgive. By actively deciding to not forgive this person for a while you are taking on God's responsibility for discipline in this person's life. You are not allowing the Holy Spirit to move in her to the degree that He may want to. Holding on to unforgiveness is sin:
Mat 5:23 "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
Mat 5:24 "leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
It may help to look at what forgiveness is and is not. I took the information below from Mastering Life Ministries. The web page address is at the bottom by way of footnoting.
Forgiveness is not:
(1) saying that what was done was okay.
(2) releasing the guilty party from the legal or divine consequences of their behavior.
(3) something that you have to achieve on your own.
(4) merely words said to satisfy some legal standard.
(5) dependent on the perpetrator's response.
Forgiveness is:
(1) taking yourself out of the judgment seat simply because it belongs to God alone.
(2) acknowledging that having accepted Christ's forgiveness for yourself, you have no right to withhold forgiveness from others.
(3) an act of God's grace being poured out through your heart.
(4) a result of being transformed into His image, taking on His mind and heart, clothing yourself with Him.
(5) as much an opportunity to set yourself free as it is an opportunity to set the perpetrator free.
(6) a removal of a significant part of Satan's ground, that has allowed him to re-victimize you over and over again so as to emotionally destroy you and your relationship with God.
(7) an act of the will, not a servant of feelings.
(From Mastering Life Ministries. Masteringlife.gospelcom.net)
Answer:
^THAT was helpful. thanksyou. i think i know what i need to do now.
Answer:
Originally Posted by 4stringfreak ^THAT was helpful. thanksyou. i think i know what i need to do now.
I'm glad. I was concerned taht it may have come across as too harsh when I was just trying to be matter-of-fact.
God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD