Question:
I've recently started attending a bible college in the midwest. I'm from a small area church-wise, where we don't have a lot of church society or drama or stuff like that. I was also homeschooled and raised in a small sheltered kind of environment, so I'm really not used to dorm life, and although it's only been a week, I know I'm looking at a few more monthes of it.
The thing is I went to junior college for two years before I came here, and I'm 21, so in some ways I'm a little older and more experienced that the others. I'm not really naieve or totaly clueless by any means, yet I'm still very very pure as far as my relationships have been. The guys here are a lot more social, and frankly, much more crude. I'm no purist myself, but the conversations and behavior bothers me. Not so much because I'm offended, but because I think it's inapropriate. This is bible school, not church camp. Still, I'm a freshman, they're upperclassmen, or know each other, or more social, and so on.
On one hand I want to be accepted and don't want to go through the semester striking everyone the wrong way. Yet the mooning, flashing, and preverted conversation really turns me off. I'm older than this and it doesn't really interest me, but I don't really look that much older than the 19 year olds who act like a bunch of stupid kids. How should I proceed?
edit: case in point: it's really late here and one of them just shot a small hole in my window with a bb gun. I know who it was but he made a big deal out of it and wouldn't admit to it. It put glass in my room and I have to pay for that at the end of the year.
Answer:
This behavior needs to be reported to the administration of your school. They are old enough to know how to control themselves and I can guarantee the school will want to know that there are BB guns on campus.
Second, totally understand what you're dealing with. You are in the exact same situation I was in last semester. There are guys on campus I enjoy hanging out with but they do some pretty stupid stuff that I think is inappropriate. I just don't hang out with them when they are acting that way. Also look for people to hang out with that are more mature like yourself, they are there somewhere.
Also try to step out and let them know you don't think something is appropriate. There is plenty of fun to be had that doesn't involve mooning, shooting holes in windows, or getting some guy to drink a gallon of tomato juice then puke it up on the front steps to the door (this happened at my school at 2am one morning)
Pray that God will show you some people that feel the same as you so you can have a "safe group" but also be willing to hang out with these guys. You may be the best example of how they should act that they'll ever see.
Answer:
You could always report the shooting to the police.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nathanael Yet the mooning, flashing, and preverted conversation really turns me off. I'm older than this and it doesn't really interest me, but I don't really look that much older than the 19 year olds who act like a bunch of stupid kids. How should I proceed?
Well first of all, I'd say that their behavior is a clear sign of insecurity. They're in college, away from home, and expected to behave like adult men, but they don't feel like men, so they're acting like boys.
If you agree that that's what's going on, your best course of action is to treat them like adults whether or not they behave like adults. A few summers ago, I had a co-worker at camp who was very similar to these guys you're describing: very immature, somewhat crude, always goofing off. But I always treated him as an adult and took him seriously - quite possibly the first time anyone had ever done that, since he had put up such a defense of immaturity.
Pretty soon, when he was around me, he stopped goofing off - he knew he didn't have to. After the summer, he decided to completely change his personality - to become someone other people could take seriously. I heard from the people he's working with now that it was quite a noticeable change.
Also, bear in mind that the reason these guys act the way they do is peer pressure - when they're around each other, they're used to acting a certain way because that's how they expect each other to act. When you see them in other contexts they probably won't be nearly as immature. If you want to see a change in these guys - as opposed to writing them off and looking for other friends, which is another option - strike up a conversation with one of them when the others aren't around and see if you can form a friendship that's based on more than just goofing off.
Answer:
The bottom line is this: do you relly want to be accepted by guys who moon, flash, and shoot BBs through windows? I wouldn't.
Remember it's a Bible college; there are bound to be other guys (and girls too, if you're lucky ) who are a lot like you. Get involved in some of the things going on on campus (school-sponsored activities are your best bet).
BTW, definitely report the shooting. It sounds like you know who did it; if this is the case, just spill the beans to the proper authorites. Normally I'm not one for tattling, but no one's going to think worse of you for defending your room and trying to dodge being charged for someone else's stupidity.
Answer:
This is why I never hung out with the guys in my dorms. Never. Well, almost never. It just felt dumb and crass, so I ended up hanging out with a group of girls. No, I really dislike my gender because of this kind of idiocy. But I just buckle down, keep to myself, and find another group of friends.
Report the shooting to your RA and, if he doesn't do anything, report it to the RD (your RA's boss).