Question:
Okay. So I have an issue that I'd like to know insight from others on. I'll include some scriptures that I've been tossing around about it too.
There's a man and his wife. The wife has come to my wife in tears asking what she should do. Her husband has been cold to her for the last several years. They don't sleep together anymore. He works a night shift and refuses to change that regardless of the fact that his job has, again and again, offered day shift with more hours. They both work and it's not enough for the continually rising house payments, but he refuses to do anything about it. He's said he doesn't care if they lose their house and must go live in a low-income apartment. He has two children from before this marriage that he raised himself and they turned out completely heathen... haters of God. She has three children from before this marriage who all were raised differently and now adore and serve the Lord. They have two children together and he's demanding they be raised his way and... you guessed it... they're turning out to be haters of God. The couple never talks (nicely) anymore. He continually tells the wife that she's not saved and that she must tell the children that he's a good father and provider (regardless of the unwillingness to work more to pay the increased house payments). He says he works his 40 hours (which pays, from what I can gather, at best, less than $15 per hour). If they can't afford something beyond that, the difference must come from her working beyond her present hours. This makes me think of 1st Timothy 5:8. He's a full preterist heretic. This makes me think of 2nd Timothy 2:15-18. So what is she to do? Her children are being raised like the devil. She's completely ignored or, when she does get attention, is merely told how she does not know the Lord and is just a bad person. Initially, I thought to myself, no, no one can leave their spouse unless it's because of adultery. However, in reading over verses, I found 1st Corinthians 7:10-17. Verse 11 seems to imply room for exceptions, as long as those exceptions come with restrictions (ie - don't ever marry again and, if possible, get back with him in due time (or when he grows up)). What do you all scripturally think? Is there room here to leave him and attempt to live a godly life not under him? If not, any suggestions on how to deal with the situation? Thanks for any input.
Married Mark
Answer:
Does anyone have any helpful advise... please?
Married Mark
Answer:
Originally Posted by Godreignsoveral What do you all scripturally think? Is there room here to leave him and attempt to live a godly life not under him? If not, any suggestions on how to deal with the situation? Thanks for any input.
My gut reaction is that she needs to take the kids and leave. I can't tell you anything Scripturally here, and I know that I tend to overreact to controlling, manipulative men in a harsh manner due to my own circumstances when I was growing up. That said, if she doesn't leave, it's only going to cause her and the children still at home harm. I know that there are practical considerations and whether it should be leaving, or seperating, or divorce, that I can't speak to, I have no experience in that.
If she sees that there is a problem, has gone to him and tried to work it through, and he doesn't listen, then personally I would be inclined to see if he'd be willing to sit down with a third party to discuss it. If he still refuses to be reasonable, then I would seriously consider leaving.
I don't know if marriage counselling of some sort is an option here, but it would be something to explore.
Answer:
Originally Posted by passinthru My gut reaction is that she needs to take the kids and leave. I can't tell you anything Scripturally here, and I know that I tend to overreact to controlling, manipulative men in a harsh manner due to my own circumstances when I was growing up. That said, if she doesn't leave, it's only going to cause her and the children still at home harm. I know that there are practical considerations and whether it should be leaving, or seperating, or divorce, that I can't speak to, I have no experience in that.
If she sees that there is a problem, has gone to him and tried to work it through, and he doesn't listen, then personally I would be inclined to see if he'd be willing to sit down with a third party to discuss it. If he still refuses to be reasonable, then I would seriously consider leaving.
I don't know if marriage counselling of some sort is an option here, but it would be something to explore.
Thanks Passin'. These have been my thoughts as well. No, he does not consider third party help. He's very proud. It's the core reason he expects her to tell their children that, regardless that he knows better, he's a "good provider". *grrrrr* I agree with your conclusion, but I'd like to see what scriptural support or objections there are before I can say that I support one course of action or another. A marriage splitting up is serious in any case, so I wish to be very careful in what I endorse.
Married Mark
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I do think that you can split away from your spouse.( Without the act of adultery )..However you can not remarry..And such..Just like you said.
I don't have any bible verses other than the ones you used.
What I suggest is this.
Stubborn men sometimes have to be taught where the line is drawn.
I say she should leave him until he shapes up. With every intention to get back with him once he has straightened his life out.
Of course this means she should stay loyal to him.
Biblically, I do believe she has the grounds.
Answer:
My gut reaction is that you need to butt out, because you are playing with things that you are not meant to play with. The act of marriage is sacred, and none of us are in a position to decide, outside of blatant physical abuse, that it is good for a couple to split. God has them together for a reason, and the best you can do is be a witness and example to them.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Andrew My gut reaction is that you need to butt out, because you are playing with things that you are not meant to play with. The act of marriage is sacred, and none of us are in a position to decide, outside of blatant physical abuse, that it is good for a couple to split. God has them together for a reason, and the best you can do is be a witness and example to them.
So why does Paul give advice on the matter (not pertaining to blatant physical abuse) that we can learn from and teach with? Besides the fact that one of the spouse approached us, not my wife and I just jumping in on a matter we don't like.
Married Mark
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Originally Posted by ShawnTheNoob I do think that you can split away from your spouse.( Without the act of adultery )..However you can not remarry..And such..Just like you said.
I don't have any bible verses other than the ones you used.
What I suggest is this.
Stubborn men sometimes have to be taught where the line is drawn.
I say she should leave him until he shapes up. With every intention to get back with him once he has straightened his life out.
Of course this means she should stay loyal to him.
Biblically, I do believe she has the grounds.
Yeah. I'd say your stance seems to stand firm with the Corinthians passage I referenced. I'm just here making sure I'm not missing something that should seriously be considered in opposition to that thought. Thanks for the involvement here.
Married Mark