Question:
Hello...
I want some advice on the following situation.
There is a girl that I like. I have not told her because I don't have a car and I don't want to ask her to ask me out. I don't think it would be polite to ask her out and then ask her to come and pick me up. As far as I know she doesn't know how I feel. A few months ago I told a very good friend about the situation and all. Recently I found out that he and she are together.
He came to me and said he wanted to talk to me about it. He said he felt bad about it and that it just happened. The two of them were in a group that went to Costa Rica and they got to spend alot of time together.
Since I never made a move its not like he is undermining me. It was good to get it out in the open but it was an awkward situation. I told him that I hope that it went good. I also told him that I wanted to do the right thing and that I didn't want to interfere. I wouldn't want someone to if the situations were reversed. I didn't know what else to tell him. We are good friends. I have noticed that now are friendship has changed a little. I still talk to him but its hard. The other day I had the chance to be around both my friend and the girl i liked. That was the first time since I knew what was going on with them. It was hard...I didn't know what would be called interfering and what would be noraml behavior.
If the guy wasn't a good friend of mine then I would just tell her how i feel. I have tried to forget abou the situation and I can't. I really feel like I should tell her and just get it off my chest. I think it would make me feel alot better and then maybe I could get some sleep. Then she would know she could make a choice.
I do want to do the right thing here. I want to remain polite and wrong either of my friends.
I just would like some opinions on what you think is the best choice here. I think I tend to over anylyze things alot. If you need more info to make a suggestion, just ask.
Thank you
Answer:
There will be other girls. Presumably, there were other guys as well before she chose to become involved in whatever way with your friend. She had a choice, you had a choice, you both made choices (her to go out with your friend, you to not tell her about your feelings for her) and now you continue to live and make more choices. It might have been a little low of your friend to get together with this girl after you told him that you were interested in her, but, as you said, you had not made a move (and it appeared that you weren't ready to anyway). You're sort of treating dating like a game, though... like she chose your friend only because there weren't any better options (i.e. you), and you think she might make a different choice with more options (i.e. you). That's all fine and dandy, except you chose not to disclose your interest in her and she chose to go out with your friend, all in perfect freedom of the will. You wouldn't go up to someone's wife and say "Hey, I'm interested in you, too, you know... does that change your decision," would you? Even if you were the most perfect guy in the world for her, that would be a bad thing to do, to her and to you. She made a choice, you made a choice, live with it. The vast majority of relationships fail, so it's entirely likely that the relationship between your friend and this girl will eventually fail, at which point there may be more choices for you and for her to make, including whether you want to reinvestigate old feelings at a then more opportune time (when you're more ready, for whatever reason). Welcome to life, you make choices based on your best possible alternative at the point of decision-making and live with whatever the outcome (expected or unforeseen) of the choice turns out to be.
Short answer: That's life. Just keep trucking.
Answer:
I'd pray about it. When God isn't saying 'Go for it.' or 'No.' then he's just saying 'Wait, not yet.'
So either He didn't want you to tell her because He has plans for her and your friend in the future. Maybe together they're going to accomplish something amazing for Him. And maybe not.
Only He knows.
Just try and be civil to them both, and pray that God will help you have a normal relationship with your friend once more. (If it doesn't improve soon then try talking with your friend about how you feel. It may sound stupid, but it really helps getting it out in the open like that.)
And one more thing. Make sure you've given it all up to God. When He doesn't have your full trust and complete control it's harder for Him to work His miracles. Give it all over to Him and allow Him to help you move on to a better relationship with your friend and a normal friendly one with the girl. Just let Him be your guide.
God Bless
Answer:
I don't think I explained the situation very well. However I'd rather not try again. Thank you both for your input.
I read a quote the other day..."When God says no to something, he is saying yes to something better."
Answer:
Originally Posted by santiago I really feel like I should tell her and just get it off my chest. I think it would make me feel alot better and then maybe I could get some sleep. Then she would know she could make a choice. ...That's the problem with so many relationships (dating or otherwise) these days. It becomes about our needs and our wants and our feelings instead of about how you can best serve the other person. Don't tell her. It could have great potential of hurting your friendship with her and with the guy she's seeing.
Wait it out. Seek God's timing--not yours.
Answer:
Originally Posted by SecretAgentRat ...That's the problem with so many relationships (dating or otherwise) these days. It becomes about our needs and our wants and our feelings instead of about how you can best serve the other person. Don't tell her. It could have great potential of hurting your friendship with her and with the guy she's seeing.
Wait it out. Seek God's timing--not yours.
See this is not the way I felt at all... I was having a hard time identifying and explaining how I feel. Thats why i said I would just leave it alone and not try to explain it again. I would (and am) sacrificing myself for her by letting not telling her. I do care.