Question:
So, I'll explain this the best I can. And I'd like to say first off, that this is my first venture even into the mutual-liking stage, let alone dating.
I met a guy at camp last summer, we hung out for two weeks a bit, and I didn't talk to him all year. This summer, we returned to camp and spent quite a bit of time together in those two weeks. Towards the end of camp, he began to show signs of liking me, and his best friend told me that he did like me. The next day, I told him that I liked him. He told me that he thought I was pretty awesome, but that he wasn't really looking for anyone right now. I've invited him to a concert here in a few weeks...I'm paying, but I've told him we don't have to consider it a date. He's agreed to come. But my question is: How often can I invite him to things like this, how often can I call and such, while still respecting the fact that he's not looking for anyone? How do I pursue this friendship, without making him think I'm looking for more, but still leaving the options open for more when/if he's ready? I'd appreciate your thoughts on that and any other advice you can offer.
Thanks,
Beth
Answer:
Thats a tough one. I would make the invites ever-so-often. Not like all the time. Uh...But to let him know that your not being aggressive but ,you know, "biding your time" (so to speak) i would let him do most of the inviting. You see, once he starts inviting you alot this lets you know that you guys are getting to know each other better and are getting closer. And put your two cents in every once in a while. It's just kinda hard since he's not looking for someone right now, you know? Also, keep the atmosphere friendly but still let him know that you may be interested in more later down the road. U kno, the way you girls do that SO well! Hopefully this helps.
Answer:
just treat him like you would any other friend. if all he wants is a friendship right now, then give him that. when he's ready to move things along, then say okay. however, i wouldn't wait forever.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ja-ja just treat him like you would any other friend. if all he wants is a friendship right now, then give him that. when he's ready to move things along, then say okay. however, i wouldn't wait forever.
Does that last sentence not completely contradict the rest of your post?
Answer:
My advice is try not to think about it too much, just act like you would any other friend...and try not to worry about what he thinks. That said, personally...if one of my friends who's a girl kept inviting me to stuff, and we've established that it's just as friends, then I'd have to trust that that's what she's doing. So I'd say don't make too much drama out of it.
Good Luck
Answer:
To add to what has been said already, let things develop naturally. Don't overanalyze every action and just let go. If things progress, let them progress. What really sucks, at least in my experience, is being in the mutual attraction stage, and both she and I want things to progress, and yet we hold back because for some reason. It's happened twice, and it's been awful.
However, if you still want a basic script/baseline, here are some black and whites you can go by to start off: give your phone calls a minimum two-day gap, and your invites a minimum week and a half. Read the situation, and adjust accordingly. If you don't have much to talk about, then lengthen the phone gap. If you don't feel like calling, then don't. Neither fret nor obsess, but just play it cool and float, letting the currents take you where they will.