Question:
Is probably an understatement.
Alright, here's the situation.
I am going to start school in less than three weeks. I move into my dorm room on August 19th. In January, when I officially decided to attend this school, my admissions counselor advised me to join an online Facebook group for people who would be attending school in the fall. It was here that I started talking to this guy, a sophomore from my school.
He and I started talking quite a bit, usually every day from March until May. He's a great guy - he fits every criteria I'd like to be met, as far as I can tell. About a week after I graduated, he said that he saw me as an interest, and would like to get to know me more, both up until school starts and afterwards, with the intention of possibly starting a relationship.
I agreed. For awhile, he said that he just really couldn't know if it would work until he could see me in person. I think the two of us were not on the same page here... he felt like he just really, honestly couldn't know exactly how much he liked me or how he felt about me until he could see me. To me, seeing someone is a smaller, though still important, factor. I know it could not be the same in person... but I do think talking to someone as extensively as we have can give you a very good idea of how you feel about them.
So for awhile, it was like that: he was completely not sure, I was pretty decided that I was very interested in pursuing a relationship, though I didn't want to until having met in person and cultivating that aspect of our friendship.
We planned to meet each other when I move in, even though he doesn't move in until August 25th. He's going to come along and help me move in, and hence, we shall meet each other for the first time, and see how it goes.
Well.... I've been feeling a bit nervous, which I'm sure is normal. I've voiced this to him a couple of times, you know, saying, "I'm nervous about meeting you... I hope it's not too awkward," that sort of thing. Well, as it turns out, he's not exactly unsure about how he feels about me anymore. In fact, when I said I was nervous, he said there was no reason to be, and that he knows for a fact that he is head over heels for me and that this relationship is a go when school starts as far as he's concerned. He has even asked that I keep August 26th free on my schedule because he has something planned that is a surprise for my birthday (my birthday is August 28th. I don't really know that this surprise is a birthday kind of surprise, but I'm just guessing...) and that his "surprise" is an important one. Which explains why he's asked that I keep the entire day free on my calender, I suppose.
I guess the point is.... while I am 85% sure that I will like him in person just as much as I like him over the telephone or online, I do know there is a possibility, though it be small, that I won't really like him in person as much as I do now.
It concerns me that he has completely thrown out that possibility. It's like it's not even something he's taking into consideration... in a way, this makes me feel very insecure. I wouldn't mind so much if we didn't like each other in person... that is, if we were leaving that open as a very good possibility. I think I'd feel very, very bad if it didn't work, him being so sure and all... especially because he seems so sure that he's planned something to do for me, something big, according to him.
Hmm. It's quite frustrating at this point.... it's beyond just feeling nervous. I feel like there's so much more riding on this than whether we decide we still want to consider a relationship. There's the risk of him and/or I being dissapointed, him going through a lot of trouble to plan something he may decide he doesn't want to do after all, a lot of awkwardness...
I guess my whole issue is that I want to know whether or not I can trust him when he says he knows for sure that he'll feel the same way, even when we meet up in person. And I know nobody can really give me that answer.... but is there anybody out there who has been in a situation like this? How did it turn out? What did you do about everything?
Answer:
Originally Posted by SarahTheGuitarist I guess my whole issue is that I want to know whether or not I can trust him when he says he knows for sure that he'll feel the same way, even when we meet up in person. And I know nobody can really give me that answer.... but is there anybody out there who has been in a situation like this? How did it turn out? What did you do about everything? I don't know what to tell you about trusting him to know that he'll feel anyway when he meets you...
From personal experience, though: I met someone from CGR, actually, that I was completely smitten with when we'd chatted online and talked on the phone... The issue was that when we met in person it was awkward and I was nervous and things just got off on the wrong foot. I wasn't expecting a relationship right away, I can't speak for what he was expecting... but unfortunately even casual friendship was very hard after that...
Answer:
my bit of advice is this: relationships, IMHO, are about learning about someone and getting to know them to a more deeper an dintimate level. from what you say you have gotten to know him quite well. if it is so great over the phone then it should work out in pereson; unless, of course, you were both putting on a fake self to show each other.
In reality, how different is conversation over the phone in real life?? the only difference is seeing them and possibly their reactions to situations or if the are a totally different person in person.
in other words, oyu have learned this persons personality, hopefully that will be enough, even if the first few days of actual encounter are awkward form shyness and anxiousness.

wow... what I wrote might sound sort of confusing so sorry!!
Answer:
Have you told him that his big plans make you uncomfortable? If so, he ought to respect your wishes and leave open the possibility of not having a relationship. If he refuses to respect your wishes.......
Answer:
Originally Posted by Danalyn I don't know what to tell you about trusting him to know that he'll feel anyway when he meets you...
From personal experience, though: I met someone from CGR, actually, that I was completely smitten with when we'd chatted online and talked on the phone... The issue was that when we met in person it was awkward and I was nervous and things just got off on the wrong foot. I wasn't expecting a relationship right away, I can't speak for what he was expecting... but unfortunately even casual friendship was very hard after that... Ahh, yes, which is exactly what I'm worried about. I do think that we know each other well enough to be able to get through some of the awkwardness.... but then again, I don't really know. So I'm trying to be ready for that.
Originally Posted by Thrash my bit of advice is this: relationships, IMHO, are about learning about someone and getting to know them to a more deeper an dintimate level. from what you say you have gotten to know him quite well. if it is so great over the phone then it should work out in pereson; unless, of course, you were both putting on a fake self to show each other.
In reality, how different is conversation over the phone in real life?? the only difference is seeing them and possibly their reactions to situations or if the are a totally different person in person.
in other words, oyu have learned this persons personality, hopefully that will be enough, even if the first few days of actual encounter are awkward form shyness and anxiousness.
wow... what I wrote might sound sort of confusing so sorry!! You're right. I feel like both of us have been pretty transparent... I can be sure that I have; haven't tried to hide anything. And I feel pretty confident that he has been that way as well. But I do know that our relationship is, in some ways, just like peering through a keyhole... there may be warped perceptions.
Originally Posted by Bobthecockroach Have you told him that his big plans make you uncomfortable? If so, he ought to respect your wishes and leave open the possibility of not having a relationship. If he refuses to respect your wishes....... Ahh, I knew someone would ask something like this.... and honestly, I realized later that I'd forgotten one thing: when we were at the other stage, where he was completely unsure and I was quite a bit more sure (though not as sure as he appears to be now) I had said that I wished he would be a little less unsure.... that I didn't understand why he couldn't be.
I feel a bit guilty about that now... especially because now it'd be like, but you said before.... I don't think I've changed my mind or anything, I just think there's a healthy balance. Yeah, you can't pretend like you don't feel anything. But you do need to be realistic in some way...
And I think you're right... it probably is something I should talk to him about. I feel like it's really been getting under my skin the past few days, and I'm having a hard time not taking it out on him about other, unimportant things.
I'm just not sure about how to say all of that, without sounding like a typical girl stereotype.... where nothing a guy can do is ever right, you know?
Answer:
I definately wish you the best and want you guys to be happy! I just wanted to comment from personal experience...I dated someone I met online, from here actually...and we thought we were just the best thing to ever happen and we were crazy about eachother and all that stuff...well, it wasn't until we moved closer, so we were in the same state and saw eachother almost everyday, that we realised that neither of us was who we had thought...and it resulted in a lot of heartache and tension. It's been several years now, and we are much better...but still realise we are SO DIFFERENT from what we'd though. So I would just recommend really knowing him in person for awhile before you commit much. I'd just hate for you guys to end up hurt and all that.
Good luck! hope things work out
Answer:
Best of luck. I agree with sam about meeting online(or even the phone) can be totally different than seeing them in real life. The annoying little habits, everyday life, and even a side of the person you havent heard before could appear(before that one scares the daylights out of you let me give and example; for me an over-the-top, cheerleader type drives me crazy, i can handle it in small doses not hours upon hours at a time). My best suggestion is take it slow, it won't kill you and it could save some serious pain
Answer:
Yeah... all of this is what I feel, as well. Though I want very badly for this to work, and 85% of me says that it will. But you know... that 15% kinda gets to me.
Well... I talked to him tonight about some of that stuff. I told him the keyhole theory.... and he just got real quiet. And then we talked about it a little bit more... and he was really kind of upset about it, and he just worried more and more... and then I said something about how someone told me it would just take some time, maybe. And then he said, "What, like three months isn't enough??" And then I asked that we didn't talk about it anymore.
Yeah. So, it didn't really go that well.
I don't know.... I am sad now. I wish this were easier. Less complicated. I don't want to make him upset over it... I'm really not that worried about it; just a little. But he gets so worried about it... tons more.
Geez.
Answer:
Well Sarah, a year ago I was where you are now. I understand your feelings of frustration, and anxiety. There is a truth I know that may help you in this regardless of how it works out.
You are not alone in this. The Lord knew you before you were formed in the womb. He has watched over you all these years, and he has accepted you as his very own in Christ Jesus. Everything you are going through right now he feels it with you, because he is in you.
Through the blood of his blessed son, he gives you the access to his throne of grace, where you can receive grace and mercy in your time of need.
God is your father, and he loves you, and he wants you to come to him to lay all this burden before his feet so he can bare it for you.
He wants you to pour your feelings out before him like a drink offering, so he can pour into you his peace that passes all understanding, and his divine might to strengthen you, with all that you need to weather this storm.
Your father in heaven wants to love through this. Go before him, and draw your strength from the love of God.
He did it for me in a similiar situation, and I am a hundred percent sure that he will do the same for you now.
This song came from my situation I hope and pray that it helps you. I you need prayer for this feel free to contact me on yahoo messenger.
CAN COUNT ON YOUR LOVE by Mike Vargas 01/02/05
I can count on your love

Oh Lord Most High
I can count on your love
When I hurt inside
You always hear my cry
Holding me in your arms
Till all fear is gone

I can count on your love

Oh Lord Most High
A plan was made to take my life

You came just in time
Great shepherd you are
Wonderful Morning Star
I can count on your love
Oh, Lord Most High
You gave your life for

So I can live in eternity
I am amazed, how your love for me

Is always the same
Answer:
Thank you, Mike. That is really comforting.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Me Well... I talked to him tonight about some of that stuff. I told him the keyhole theory.... and he just got real quiet. And then we talked about it a little bit more... and he was really kind of upset about it, and he just worried more and more... and then I said something about how someone told me it would just take some time, maybe. And then he said, "What, like three months isn't enough??" And then I asked that we didn't talk about it anymore.
Yeah. So, it didn't really go that well.
I don't know.... I am sad now. I wish this were easier. Less complicated. I don't want to make him upset over it... I'm really not that worried about it; just a little. But he gets so worried about it... tons more.
Geez.
Well, I feel kind of silly now. I talked to him the last three nights, and he didn't say anything about what we'd talked about... in fact, he seemed fine. But I must admit that I spent a lot of time stressing over the other night, when I told him all the stuff I was thinking... and I was just really upset last night about it, after having been brooding on it so much.
So, I told him that I wanted to apologize and that I was sorry for trampling on his feelings, and that I didn't want him to think I didn't care about how he felt, and that I was sorry for making him upset...
Well, he wouldn't let me apologize because he wasn't really mad after all. In fact, he was fine. And he said he should be thanking me for getting his head out of the clouds, and that he really did need to hear what I had to say.
He said that he did some more thinking about it, and he said that after he meets my parents and drives with us into Marshall on the day I move in, he's going to go back home and let me have the rest of the day to really move in and see the school on my own, and spend time with my family before they have to leave.
So, yes, he did hear what I had to say and he did take it into consideration. And he wasn't upset.
Answer:
sweet