Question:
I'm 25 years old and a Master's degree student in college. I've been a Christian for over 11 years now, and God has grown me a lot over the past few years. However, I've made some mistakes over the past year, and now need some good godly counsel.
I started dating a girl (21 years old, junior undergrad) from the college fellowship group about eight months ago. I'd known her for almost two years before we started dating. At the outset, we made a commitment to each other to stay pure and make the conduct of our relationship glorifying to God. But we were tempted and we fell. We became too physically intimate, and did a lot of things we know we should not have done. Not to the extent of intercourse, but not too far from that brink either. This greatly hurt both of us in our relationship with God. It also hurt our ministry, since we both held various leadership positions in our fellowship.
A few days ago, we finally gathered up courage to confess our sin to a godly couple in our church. The couple knows us well, and we regard their spiritual authority very highly (the husband is one of the church elders). They were sympathetic and compassionate, but also very firm. They insisted that my girlfriend and I separated from each other. And so we did, with much pain and tears.
I know in my heart that this was a right thing to do. But was it the only right thing to do? Is separation the only right path? Should I not even consider the possibility of a second chance for this relationship, with greater accountability and oversight? My girlfriend and I loved each other very, very much. Aside from our physical sin, I honestly can't think of any aspect of our relationship that was hurtful to each other or offensive to God. We served together in our fellowship. We supported each other in school. We really liked hanging out with each other and with our friends. We dreamt of a future together. Now I've lost all of that.
I'll be done with my degree in a few months. Once I move away, the chances of me seeing her again will be close to nil without a commitment to each other. Is it right for me to even ask God to redeem the relationship? Can a relationship like ours be restored to a state that honors God? What should I do?
Answer:
Did this couple give any reasoning as to why they gave that specific advice? Because I do not see any reason that it would be the only path. The bible clearly acknowledges a different way to deal with this, which is to marry. Beyond that, I know that it is a struggle. To say that you should separate, or that it is too much to overcome is pretty extreme in my opinion.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Art Did this couple give any reasoning as to why they gave that specific advice? Because I do not see any reason that it would be the only path. The bible clearly acknowledges a different way to deal with this, which is to marry. Beyond that, I know that it is a struggle. To say that you should separate, or that it is too much to overcome is pretty extreme in my opinion.
Agreed, and if marriage isn't an option at the moment, finding people to hold you accountable would be invaluable, as individuals, and as a couple.
Answer:
Originally Posted by tht00 Agreed, and if marriage isn't an option at the moment, finding people to hold you accountable would be invaluable, as individuals, and as a couple.
I agree what its says. This is because one couple that I know have done this in my church. Now they are getting married in June 2006. It's all about self discipline and self control too.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Eyes On Him We dreamt of a future together. Now I've lost all of that.
I'll be done with my degree in a few months. Once I move away, the chances of me seeing her again will be close to nil without a commitment to each other. Is it right for me to even ask God to redeem the relationship? Can a relationship like ours be restored to a state that honors God? What should I do? I don't think things should end, based on what you've outlined for us. If there is more that we should know, then perhaps this advise will be invalid, but for now, take it for what it is.
It is right to ask God to redeem the relationship. God wants to hear what your struggles are, your dreams, and what you want from him. Sometimes God says yes, sometimes no, and sometimes that it's up to us. You don't know what God will say until you ask him, or what will happen. In that vein, again, yes, a relationship like yours can be redeemed. You both want what is right and, although physical intimacy can be difficult to step down, it is possible to do so.
As I said before, I don't think you and her should seperate permanently over something like this. There are other options, like marriage or self-restraint, that should be explored before seperation.
Looking back on my own experience with a too-physical relationship, I can see that things could have changed through a rehabilitation of our habits. The only reason things didn't change was because we never gave it a chance - we couldn't see the tree for the forest, so to speak. If we had kept at it, I have no doubt in my mind that things would have worked out in the end. Your relationship sounds stronger, and deeper, than mine was. Pray, and see what God shows you.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Eyes On Him I'm 25 years old and a Master's degree student in college. I've been a Christian for over 11 years now, and God has grown me a lot over the past few years. However, I've made some mistakes over the past year, and now need some good godly counsel.
I started dating a girl (21 years old, junior undergrad) from the college fellowship group about eight months ago. I'd known her for almost two years before we started dating. At the outset, we made a commitment to each other to stay pure and make the conduct of our relationship glorifying to God. But we were tempted and we fell. We became too physically intimate, and did a lot of things we know we should not have done. Not to the extent of intercourse, but not too far from that brink either. This greatly hurt both of us in our relationship with God. It also hurt our ministry, since we both held various leadership positions in our fellowship.
A few days ago, we finally gathered up courage to confess our sin to a godly couple in our church. The couple knows us well, and we regard their spiritual authority very highly (the husband is one of the church elders). They were sympathetic and compassionate, but also very firm. They insisted that my girlfriend and I separated from each other. And so we did, with much pain and tears.
I know in my heart that this was a right thing to do. But was it the only right thing to do? Is separation the only right path? Should I not even consider the possibility of a second chance for this relationship, with greater accountability and oversight? My girlfriend and I loved each other very, very much. Aside from our physical sin, I honestly can't think of any aspect of our relationship that was hurtful to each other or offensive to God. We served together in our fellowship. We supported each other in school. We really liked hanging out with each other and with our friends. We dreamt of a future together. Now I've lost all of that.
I'll be done with my degree in a few months. Once I move away, the chances of me seeing her again will be close to nil without a commitment to each other. Is it right for me to even ask God to redeem the relationship? Can a relationship like ours be restored to a state that honors God? What should I do?
1 Corinthians 7 indicates you should marry, not seperate.
Answer:
Im by know means an expert but thats the dumbest thing ive heard.
If both of you still love eachother and want to be together and want to work everything out, then do it.
There is no sense in killing something that is great because of a sin that can be forgiven.
The best means of accountability is the two of you. Hold eachother accountable. The second best are close friends that you can trust. They should hold you accountable. Now that you have confessed to them, have them hold you accountable. If they are not willing to and only support you two being seperated, find someone else. Ive found in my experience that elders tend to be more like businessmen and not men of god but thats just my experience and a whole other issue.
Bottomline, if both of you want to be together, then do it but do it right (aka, nice big diamond ring )
Like BillSPrestonEsq stated "1 Corinthians 7 indicates you should marry, not seperate." The best advice comes from the big man himself. (God, not Bill)
Answer:
Originally Posted by OctaviusIII It is right to ask God to redeem the relationship. God wants to hear what your struggles are, your dreams, and what you want from him. Sometimes God says yes, sometimes no, and sometimes that it's up to us. You don't know what God will say until you ask him, or what will happen. In that vein, again, yes, a relationship like yours can be redeemed. You both want what is right and, although physical intimacy can be difficult to step down, it is possible to do so. There's a very key difference (and a good one) in what you said versus what "Eyes On Him" said in his post and thread title. That's your word "redeemed" versus his word "restored". Now, I don't think the OP actually meant 'restored' in its proper context, because that would mean putting it back the way it was when it was left, and that's not proper. Redeemed, however, means to "save from a state of sinfulness and its consequences." A great difference. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with redeeming the relationship, but there are proper ways of doing it. Godly counsel is one major one. I would think that the couple that was consulted on it originally should probably be avoided in the matter, but it may be good to explain why to them. Some peoples' approach to any kind of sin is turn the other way and run, but sometimes it needs to be confronted head on and dealt with. Start with the Godly counsel, though.
Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq 1 Corinthians 7 indicates you should marry, not seperate. That's a rather extreme interpretation I'd think. In that case you could also say that since they remained virgins (assuming they were before the relationship) that they should NOT get married according to verse 27.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Brent That's a rather extreme interpretation I'd think. In that case you could also say that since they remained virgins (assuming they were before the relationship) that they should NOT get married according to verse 27. Ive had to translate this out of Greek before. It does not seem very extreme at all to me.
1 Cor 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Cor 7: 36 If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.
Those are pretty directly applicable.
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I think anything can be restored.
Answer:
I think anything can be restored.
Amen.