Question:
Alrighty... I need some help with a situation.
*disclaimer: if you're maadio, you aren't allowed to read this. no. seriously.*
*disclaimer 2: I apologize for the lack of structure and capitalization.*
:: part one::
Okay…. To start with I've been dating a guy for 3+ years now. Things have been going downhill for about 1.5 years now and within that last .5 it's been going down RAPIDLY. The trust between us has gone kaput which was understandable for the things that went on (serious situations arose....rape, him hacking into my journal). Yes, I said rape......... and my boyfriend's first response was it was MY fault. I can understand that I lead the guy on (i tend to be really flirtatious)... but i know that it was just wrong to say that. Not only that, he said if i was pregnant he'd break up with me because he doesn't want to explain that to his friends and be ashamed of me...etc. no. Seriously. SO... we have been trying deathly hard to keep things together. We used to be somewhat physical... when I started dating him i turned Christian within the beginning times, and before i was Christian, I was a very sexual person... so physical things started quickly (btw to clarify-we didn't have sex, i've always been against premarital sex). and within the last 2 years I've been trying to almost reverse the situation. I want to stop the physical stuff...... leave it to mere hugs and kisses. He doesn't like it... he thinks it's because i've lost all interest in him. Which hasn't been true, and honestly... if he can't respect me trying to live for God.... then what kind of a relationship is this? So now i'm trying to spend time with him, behave the way he wants me to (i'm pretty immature person, and he hates it, i talk too much, I point out that there's food on his face too much(?) ) and now.... due to other things, i see him maybe a total of 3.5 hours in the week (2 which would include band practice and more hours if we shows...the other is during my lunch break). Oh that's right......we're in a band together... a band of 2.5 years almost...and we're going somewhere, and we all truly believe and pray about it all the time and this is what we are supposed to be doing. i don't know how things are going to work out with that if a break up happens (although he is replacable... he really ISN'T...oh and we also talked about it and although he has said nothing would happen to the band, he has also said the opposite) but I still love him.... so i don't know. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! i don't want to... but the relationship seems to be really unhealthy...so i think i need to call it quits... but yet i don't want to.......blah.
:art 2::
With all this going down and crazy.... my heart fills itself with a liking for someone else. I FEEL AWFUL about it. I'm not even out of this relationship and i'm already thinking of another! I've already told myself I'm not going to date anyone for 6 months to a year because i need to spend some serious alone time with God. I haven't been single since....forever. I date one after another kinda (sounds bad i know...). But my new liking... i don't want it to go wrong, and it's already off to a bad start because I'm still in a relationship! Tbh-when i first met him (before i dated the guy I'm currently dating), I was attracted to him... but I was in the process of pursuing the guy i'm currently dating so i told myself no. ...............well now comes the major problem. He's my current boyfriend's good friend...our band mate... So yeah, i've been talking to him a lot more (he's a really quiet kinda guy) and omg...i didn't want to... i don't why I did.... but i basically told him i liked him. @_@ NOW I FEEL AWFUL. And honestly, this is a pretty attractive guy and an awesome Christian (like seriously, when he speaks or does something, people respect everything he says because he's that cool).... so i didn't expect his next response. My roommate basically told me... don't go for him, he would never be attracted to you, he's too of a "stand-up right" kinda guy... and well... i'm not. This being true (hey, I try my hardest.. just my roommate knows what i've done BEFORE i was Christian AND my intense struggles now). So anywho... after I told him, he was like.... you're a beautiful gal, but i cant help to be mindful to my friend as well. My roommate tells me (i consult with my roomate a lot) that basically he just let me down easy. BUT THEN... near the end of the convo he says basically... I apologize if I make things more cloudy, I just figured if you were honest, I owe it to you to tell you how I feel. @____@ Well the conversation continued last night (btw this telling of me liking him happened 2 nights ago)....... and basically he was telling me he feels bad about thinking of a relationship with me because he is a good friend of my b/f, and he's still trying to figure out why God let this situation rise....because he's attracted to me, too. ah!
I don't know what to do. well, i do know one thing.....PRAY... and I NEED TO SLOW DOWN. I need to finish my relationship with my current b/f and keep to my word...i don't want to date ANYONE for at least 6 months to a year. i need to rest.
now... with all this said, I'm sure I left a lot out... but what is your take on this? be gentle... please?
Answer:
Heya,
Originally Posted by JESOd Alrighty... I need some help with a situation.
It sounds like you already know what you should do, but are having a difficult time making it happen. I'm just going to go through and comment on what pops out to me the most. Perticularly...
so i don't know. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! i don't want to... but the relationship seems to be really unhealthy...so i think i need to call it quits... but yet i don't want to.......blah.
You're right. This relationship is unhealthy. I have had a similar experience with trying to break off the physical side of a relationship when it has gotten too deep, and I'll tell you that I would probably still be stuck in the mire of my own lust and weakness if not for breaking up. Reversing the situation and regaining control is extremely difficult, without an entirely willing 2nd party. It does not sound like your boyfriend is entirely willing. Solution? Calling it quits, as you already knew. It's hard to do, especially someone you've been with for over 3 years (same as my situation), but it needs to be done.
As to Part 2? I have no clue. I think that waiting for at least 6 months before entering into another relationship is definately a good idea though. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when you're single sometimes.
*disclaimer 2: I apologize for the lack of structure and capitalization.*
Entirely readable, don't worry about it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by DreamChaser Heya,
It sounds like you already know what you should do, but are having a difficult time making it happen. I'm just going to go through and comment on what pops out to me the most. Perticularly...

You're right. This relationship is unhealthy. I have had a similar experience with trying to break off the physical side of a relationship when it has gotten too deep, and I'll tell you that I would probably still be stuck in the mire of my own lust and weakness if not for breaking up. Reversing the situation and regaining control is extremely difficult, without an entirely willing 2nd party. It does not sound like your boyfriend is entirely willing. Solution? Calling it quits, as you already knew. It's hard to do, especially someone you've been with for over 3 years (same as my situation), but it needs to be done.
As to Part 2? I have no clue. I think that waiting for at least 6 months before entering into another relationship is definately a good idea though. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when you're single sometimes.
Entirely readable, don't worry about it.
It looks like a very complicated situation. The best thing for you is pray about it. Give yourself time to think through it too.