Question:
I'm a member...I'm really not worried about anyone on CGR knowing who I am, but I'm kind of worried about a few people from real life, so I've decided to use a guest thing.
I'm having a really hard time with my brother. A lot of the time, I'll say things to him that are very hurtful. Most of the time, I don't realise this at all until a while afterwards. This stems from a much bigger problem. The fact is that I just don't like him. I really never have at any time in my life. It's not all of the time that I dislike him, but it seems to be a majority of the time. I really hate this about myself. The problem is that we are complete opposites. I'm a quiet arts sort of person. I'm also quite cynical and pessimistic. He's a science sort of person who talks all the time. If I didn't live with him, I'm sure he'd either be someone I talk to occasionally but never form a real friendship with, or he'd be someone I just never really talk to at all.
I had a long conversation with my mother tonight about it. Whenever I accidentally say something hurtful to him, she'll say something equally hurtful to me in front of him. I'm sure I deserve it, but it really doesn't help the problem.
No one seems to understand how hard this is for me. It's probably harder for him, but at the end of the day, it's myself that I have to live with. I'm really starting to hate myself for this. I absolutely hate the fact that I don't like him, but I don't know if there's anything I can do to change it. It seems to me that if there was, I would have figured it out in the last 15 years or so...I try so hard not to be completely horrible to him, but it's so hard for me. Added to the stress of all of the other crap in life that I have to deal with, this really makes my life hell. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm doing the best I can but it's not even satisfactory.
I suppose another issue I'm having is that no one in my family is really interested in anything I'm interested in, which makes it next to impossible for me to feel like I fit in with my family.
I'm not sure if any of that made any sense and I'm sure I left stuff out, but I'd really appreciate anything anyone has to say.
Answer:
Hi,
None of this is absolutely what you should do, just some opinions or thoughts I had when reading your post.
Sometimes unforgiveness, can be a main trigger of anger or dislike towards someone, either family or not. And doesn't necessaraly have to be anything you realise. Sometimes the effects of things from the past stay with us, even when we've forgotten what the problem was. I'm not saying you do have something against him. But sometimes it is good to examine ourselves in prayer, asking God to reveal any bitterness or hurt in our hearts. Even just having a quiet look ourselves. If nothing comes to mind, just forgive him for anything he may have done, as a precaution.
Unfamiliarlarity can help widen the gap. Maybe try to show an interest in something he is doing. I'm not suggesting dive into deep science with him. But just spend a bit of time hear and there doing what he likes, you may even learn a thing or two. Also, ask him if he would be interested spending time with you. Being different is ok, we just need to allow each other to be different and find ways we can get along. Don't worry, it's been hard for me at times, when I'm around people completely different. Just let him be him and you be you... together.
And give yourself a break! You seem to be kicking yourself about not liking your brother, but you have overlooked the fact that you are not settling for that. The biggest step is wanting to deal with issues. I don't know how many young people justify even "hating" their siblings, but you won't even settle at disliking him. I think it is very honourable for you to want to push through this. I believe as you pray to God about it, He will honour such a request and help you through it, whatever way He sees fit.
Bless you!
Answer:
I can relate to your situation on a very personal level. I have a sister who is 3 years older than me. By the time we were - oh, 7-10 years old it was clear that the only things we had in common was an address and a last name. When we got to our teenage years, it was all we could do to just be civil to each other. One of the best things we ever did, though, was to sit and talk about it. One day we had this amazingly honest conversation about how different we were, and why that was okay. I found out that things about myself that I never knew (yikes!). From that day forward we could laugh about our differences instead of pretending they didn't exist. That conversation happened about 30 years ago. I would love to tell you that we are best friends now, but we are not. We love each other, but we still have so little in common - but that's okay! If it is at all possible, I would encourage you to talk directly with your brother. See if you can find a way to laugh about your differences.
Answer:
I can see where your coming from. You feel like you don't fit in with your family and I'm guessing that your probably a teenager. No disrespect it's just I remember feeling that way when I was that age. It's because I was changing and not just puberty, lol. I became(and still am becoming) who I am right now. Through those years I really shut my family out because I felt alone and couldn't relate with them. It's still like that to this day. It's gotten much better but I still am a far different person than I was when I was 12.
I'm sorry if I'm way off but I hope I could lend some counsel. Family indifference is just part of growing up and growing old but if family is a strong value you hold than it will come together.
If your having trouble seeing love through your brother try seeing him as Christ or as Christ would see him. Praying for you.
-In Prayer-
Answer:
Hey, brother in Christ, I have the exact problem like you. Me, the loud,active,socil and talkative older brother and my quiet,closed younger brother dont have almost nothing in common, maybe in coputer games or so or movies, but well yeah we get a long most of the time because my brother ignores me most of the time and I try to get his attention for I crave for someones presence, but he doesnt like it at all but I still do it. We talked about it several times after we fought, and most of the time it was pretty good, but I guess it takes time and it doesnt happen just like that! But keep your heads up, talk with him and be honest and show him that you respect/love him.