Question:
Here's the background
I'm a 20 yr old uni student, and the girl has come into my life. I've known her for quite a long time, but we wern't really close. Until a couple of months ago, she was having problems with school stuff (she's 18), and she's been praying for someone to come into her life and help her spiritually thru this time, which, according to her was me. After that period we've been talkin on IM for quite a while during holidays and usually spending around 3 hrs on average talking. And apparently 12hrs was our longest convo. We talk at church and at socials too, but she's more open in e-mails/IM. A month ago I started liking her a lot as more than a friend person. I'm not sure if she feels the same way. But she says she's been addicted to IM since I came, and she's asked some some questions on my view of a future partner and such. She even wants to do a all day convo with me in person. She shares lots of deep stuff, and she says I influence her for not leaving our church and also helped improve her walk with God.
She's very busy for the next couple of months, so no more IM. just e-mailing each other.
Any advice on what should I do. I've been praying about it for a while. I've asked God to have someone (well 2 ppl, since I like more sources) confirm to me what to do. And recently a old school friend and myself discussed about it on IM, he says go for it and his girlfriend who came into the convo later on said the same thing. now I've asked God for someone in our church to say confirm/not confirm.
Thanks
Answer:
Hey Buddy,
i see alot of IM in there? is there any reason why?
A big thing is that you odn't run out on emotions. When you run on emotions it's like swimming in ice. it feels good after hypothermia sets in and then you freeze to death and die. no, really, just look for God's will to open and try to hold emotions at a seperate level. Look to praying and reading the bible. Also, if you have a close personal friend i would bring them in on this, one that will be objective at least.
A major thing is to be fully honest if you do choose to take this farther. On-line and long distance relationships can be both painful and rewarding. it's not a normal cutom (actually it's becoming one) and doesn't feel natural. Mine was going to take me to Vermont this coming fall, but well, it ended. but still. Just stay fully open and honest and stay friends. If you are in college and have a few years it could make school harder because you so, so want to be with that perosn. I know with me I would wake up and go to school, things would remind me of her and i would burn to be with her so, so much. I would have given anything for it. It's a strong thing.
pacing yourself is a big thing too, you have time.
What is her Spiritual condition?
Answer:
Well IM was used lots cos I don't see her apart from the odd youth social and church on sundays. She doesnt live that faraway say 20 min drive (but I don't have a car I can use)
Her spiritual condition now is very good. I just hope her heavy study load doesn't lead to reduced spiritual growth.
To add to any advice, should I tell her directly/indriectly that I like her without knowing she may/may not like me?
Answer:
Well, just as a fair warning: I decided to date someone whom I sat next to and talked with in one of my classes, but I talked a lot with them over IM and shared most things with each other of the internet. Biggest mistake of my life.
So, to conclude: just make sure you know her idiosyncrasies and who she really is in person. See if you can get her to open up in real life.
Answer:
I would say, first off, try to ween yourself off of IM/emails. Use the phone more often, get used to hearing each other's voice. It's a shame you two can't hang out more often, but such are the circumstances, I suppose.
My second concern would be that she may be relying on you a bit too much for her spiritual guidance. Encourage her to make some close girl friends that she can talk to. One of the cardinal rules of camp counselling is to never counsel someone of the opposite sex - they could mistake attraction to the counselor for spiritual growth and attraction to God. In friendships, things are different, of course, but the warning I think is still valid. Now, that doesn't mean that you should necessarily start to distance yourself from her, but rather let her grow roots elsewhere too.