Question:
Ok, so there's this guy.

I felt a deep connection to him, he felt a deep connection to me. We were very open and honest towards each other. He told me there are habits in my life that really bug him, but otherwise he said, "you make a really great companion."

Then he said that he's not ready for a relationship. Which i agree with because he had fallen away from the Lord and he just came back and is rebuilding his relationship with God right now.

But he agreed and I agreed that there's like this deep connection in both of our hearts towards each other, which neither of us wanted to deny or attempt to destroy. So we agreed to be friends, and that we wouldn't be afraid of friendship or being close even though we have no "relationship" claim on each other.

Last night he asked me for a drive home. When I dropped him off he said, "I love you" to me. Which, I dont want to take as meaning more than that he has a deep affection for me. So I said back to him, "I love you too." And then he repeated back to me, "I love you too." Like he had to have the last word on it.

I feel this thing that I don't want to squelch him finding his heart towards me and expressing it. Maybe I'm being manipulative, but it feels like I'm just riding out the process and taking him where he's at. One of my GF's said to me, "you should tell him not to say that to you...it's too confusing for him to be telling you that he loves you."

I don't know. In the past I have had these ultra strict boundaries ala "I kissed dating goodbye" and "passion and purity" but I guess this time I feel like the Lord is doing something different and I'm just rolling with it. I mean, I'm not gonna get physical with him but i don't want to put rules and stuff on our hearts slowly unfolding towards each other. I am pretty confident for some reason that I'm going to end up dating this guy.

Am I messed up?

Heather
Answer:
If you both agree that it's not time for a relationship yet, then you both should do your best to not mislead each other and put yourselves in a situation you both know you are not ready for yet. Give it some time and meanwhile, try avoiding saying stuff that will ignite a relationship- wait for the right time.
I do not know at all what the Lord has planned for you, but be sure His plan comes first, and not mix it with what you feel. (I'm not saying this is what is happening, but be cautious.)
Answer:
A lot of people want to put a strict guideline on how relationships are going to unfold, which often unnecessarily restricts the growth of what would be an awesome relationship. I think you've made a good decision to not place those boundaries on what you have going so far.
It was unclear in your post, but are you interested in him? Have you two talked specifically about being in a relationship and, if so, what was the result? Do you feel ready for a relationship? Are you willing to take the risk of starting a relationship that may end badly? Those are the questions that need answering before you move on from here.
Answer:
One thing that popped out at me in reading your post, Heather: be careful about the term "I love you." I had a guy say it to me, before. He ceased all "talking" with me not long afterward.
My current beau said it to me the first time we kissed. I knew Art wasn't playing around. He knew he loved me, in the sense that a man loves a woman, and waited until he truly could say it to me before he said it.
Make sure you know what context he defines "I love you" under. Is it friendship-love or romance-love?
About all the rest of it... Deep connections do not a romance guarantee. It would be beneficial to maintain some level of caution in regards to becoming romantically involved, especially when you're "winging it."
I am a huge proponent of open, upfront honesty. By that I mean, both parties are completely honest with each other, even to a point where you're willing to state truths the other needs to hear (even if it's the most painful thing they have to hear). This has done nothing but good to advance my current relationship - even before we became "us." I figure if you both are as honest as possible about every last little thing involving you two, you can only grow closer. (Whether or not it leads to a relationship is another deal, of course. )
No, I don't think you're messed up. Good luck with this gentleman.
Answer:
You guys have given me some of the most thoughtful CGR input I have seen in a long time. I'll reply in more detail in a while, but thank you to everyone (and I mean everyone) who replied to me on this thread: I feel respected, validated, and challenged all at the same time, and that's an amazing feat you guys pulled off there.

Heather
Answer:
Yes, be careful not to "undate" each other, that is unstable and usually ends painfully. It is especially dangerous to use words in ambiguity like that, speaking in detail and context of a Christ-purpose to their life is not only safer but more edifying if you are honestly only saying it to care for them and not to build a futher attachment that satisfies you emotionally. I wrote this thing on love (which I am attaching) that may help you out some, but I have a couple words about it. In it I name some things that are not love, and I'd like to maybe put "attachment" in there, but I can't because the issue of attachment is a little complicated. Love is a form of attachment, but not all attachments are in love.
There is someone I love right now, and God has amazed me with so many heart lessons. I talked to her about it, and she isn't in that place and we are remaining as friends, but I have no heartache in that. It's shown me how selfless love can be, about the paradox of desire within contentment. I can say that there is an attachment there, a sort of bond, yet it's not a bond that would have emptiness in her abscence. It's like she is simply one of the larger outflows of my care, and it's only been possible because we are centered in God. We relate to each other in that and his purposes, not so much in personal things that would build an "us" and not set us individually in him.
Aside from God the most precious thing in the world is our hearts, so we need to be careful with them. There is attachment--the heart will always linger where you have previously invested, and it takes time to tear down and reconstruct new paths of outflow. If you have built a path of inflow from something other than God it could be quite painful if that is cut off. But if you rightly set your heart in these matters, you'll find how optional even the deepest loves can be. You'll understand the intimacy and yet detachment expressed in Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7:29-31, and I challenge you to discover their meaning in your character.
So be careful in the identity that your words and actions are shaping in your heart. You have to follow through on decisions made about the nature of a relationship, otherwise they do you no good. If you are choosing to not unite yourselves as an item, do not use words and share things that build the identity of an "us" and don't spend time together doing things only with each other that builds that sort of exclusivity. Going with the flow of the Spirit is one thing, but remember that he is a Spirit of self control, and if you forfeit that to go on auto-pilot you will deceive yourself and go in destructive ways.
If you are genuinely setting up this friendship to be only friendship (something which can be intimate but is ultimately a partnering of individuals not a uniting) then you should have integrity in that. Observe how you treat your friends that you don't have latent romantic interest in, are you treating this guy differently? You must hold integrity between the two or you are deceiving yourself. Share not for "us" but for the kingdom, edify not unto "us" but unto the kingdom, do not thank them for what they bring your life but God for bringing them, take not from them but from God through the doorway their being in your life opens to you.
It takes discernment, but it's a discernment that is easily found when you take your eyes off the latent desires and possibilities of the relationship and set them onto Christ and your purpose in the kingdom of God. Marriage won't be between us in heaven, but we will all be like the angels, the church married to Christ. What does that speak of the purpose of marriage and romance on earth? Have you made it something different from that in your mind? A simple evaluation of integrity to our identity, known truths and our own decisions can reveal so much. Be careful not to let your heart change stewardship to ownership, it will only hurt you.
This document should explain the other important things.
Answer:
Dice, I don't normally read this forum, but was bored. I'm glad I did. Thank you for taking the time to type that all out and put it on the boards. It has challenged me greatly.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Unique If you both agree that it's not time for a relationship yet, then you both should do your best to not mislead each other and put yourselves in a situation you both know you are not ready for yet. Give it some time and meanwhile, try avoiding saying stuff that will ignite a relationship- wait for the right time.
This is good advice ^
I've had a eerily similiar experience in my life, if you care to hear it drop me an email.
God bless.
Answer:
No. I don't think you are messed up. I have been down that road before. But if you just want to be friends with him then tell him that. He may have taken it seriously when you said "I love you too". Build a friendship and get to know him better. Then you can start thinking about how the relationship is going to go. Just remember this... the lord our god is always right there beside us even when we don't know he is. While you're in this relationship, always have your faith in God.
- Robyn-
Answer:
My suggestion would be to talk with him about that. I can understand the feeling you might have to want to disallow it. I have female friends to whom I can say "I love you" without a second thought, knowing that they will take it exactly the way I mean it: "I love you, friend." But I have also had to have that conversation with some friends.
Or you could always pull the Topher Grace move.
"I love you."
"I love.... cake."
Answer:
Originally Posted by Dice Yes, be careful not to "undate" each other, that is unstable and usually ends painfully. Let this be emphasized. Having done both, it is better to date and break up than to "undate" and break up, because the dating relationship usually doesn't leave someone dangling, unsure of what to do.

Originally Posted by Art "I love you."
"I love.... cake." Or: "I love you."
"I love you...man."

And then punch him in the arm.