Question:
I'm a pretty well known member here, but I've found out all too often the abilities of googling a screen name...
So my girlfriend and I are going fantastically. She just told me the other day though that she was really upset at me for giving a ride to one of our friends (more my friend than hers, but she has known her for longer). After the fact, I realized that she did have some closer female friends that could have given her a ride, and maybe it wasn't the most appropriate thing to get a ride from two guys at 3 am in the morning. Now my girlfriend has asked me to stop giving rides to her period... and that is kind of weird for me because I'm very generous with giving rides. Her premise for this? She says the girl likes me and is trying to get closer to me. I kind of believe that, and I kind of don't.
Is this too extreme to ask?
I love her too much to go against her will, and I would probably leave my semi-friend high and dry before acting against my girlfriend's will..
Answer:
your friend DOES know that you have a girlfriend right? Perhaps, she isn't really the best of friends, if she is trying to come between you and your girlfriend, and perhaps it would just be better if you told her flat out that you dont' like her like that, and that you are involved with someone else..
To me, yes it is quite extreme to ask for you to NOT take her, and give her rides, but at 3 in the morning? that's insanity, if she has closer friends, if i were you, i would just advise her to ask them for a ride next time.
But if I was in that situation, i'd be quick to realize that she isn't much of a friend, if she's still trying to get closer to you, knowing that you're taken, and very happy in a relationship at the moment.
~KT.z
Answer:
Originally Posted by Silent One I don't think that's right for your girlfriend to ask that of you, but all girls are like that. They don't like to see another girl in range of their man when they are not there. That's where trust issues come in, does your girlfriend not trust you? ask her. Even if the other girl does like you and is possibly trying to get closer, you say things are going fantastically with your girlfriend so why should she be afraid, you of course would not compromise your own relationship. I think it is very selfcentered of your girlfriend to put you in a position such as this. Obviously you want to respect and honor the feelings of your girlfriend, but she is asking you to do something in her own best interest. Why should you give up your status as a good-willed ride provider just because your girlfriend is jealous (again, all girls) ... I recommend you just flat out tell her that she has nothing to worry about, that you are doing no harm in giving rides, and that if she is going to continue to get so upset about something as trivial as this, then maybe she should (re)consider why she has put so much effort into having such a good relationship with you in the first place. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because you don't see the logic in the girl's thought doesn't make it necessarily wrong and definitely does not give grounds for giving her an ultimatum over something this trivial. (Yes this is far too trivial a situation to be giving ultimatums for.) Honestly, she does have a cause for concern. The guy is taking another girl places in a car at all hours of the morning. His actions are bringing the girl closer and closer in his priorities to his girlfriend, if only in the girlfriend's perspective. And her thoughts are validated in respect to that. I would suggest a compromise. Maybe, don't give the girl rides anymore unless your girlfriend is with you (and no more 3:00 AM trips).
Answer:
Originally Posted by Chris Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because you don't see the logic in the girl's thought doesn't make it necessarily wrong and definitely does not give grounds for giving her an ultimatum over something this trivial. (Yes this is far too trivial a situation to be giving ultimatums for.) Honestly, she does have a cause for concern. The guy is taking another girl places in a car at all hours of the morning. His actions are bringing the girl closer and closer in his priorities to his girlfriend, if only in the girlfriend's perspective. And her thoughts are validated in respect to that. I would suggest a compromise. Maybe, don't give the girl rides anymore unless your girlfriend is with you (and no more 3:00 AM trips). I agree Chris.
I think your girlfriend has a valid point. It is not just a jealously issue either. Imagine the image you are presenting to outsiders when you are giving girls lifts in your car at 3am in the morning.
I think you should listen to your girlfriend and not take this girl in your car unless you are with your girlfriend.
Answer:
I think it's stupid that your girlfriend would tell you not to give her a ride home anymore. I mean, if the two of you had been hanging out alone all night, I could understand, but there was a third person with you right? Then I don't see the problem. If my wife gave a friend of her a ride home at 3 am I'd just not give a crap. It's all about trust. There's obviously a line of what's appropriate and what's not, but giving a friend a ride home, especially with a 3rd person in the car, that's well within the realm of appropriate. It sounds like your girlfriend's a bit too jealous and I'd advice to find someone who's not so jealous.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ChrisHarbison I think it's stupid that your girlfriend would tell you not to give her a ride home anymore. I mean, if the two of you had been hanging out alone all night, I could understand, but there was a third person with you right? Then I don't see the problem. If my wife gave a friend of her a ride home at 3 am I'd just not give a crap. It's all about trust. There's obviously a line of what's appropriate and what's not, but giving a friend a ride home, especially with a 3rd person in the car, that's well within the realm of appropriate. It sounds like your girlfriend's a bit too jealous and I'd advice to find someone who's not so jealous.
Dittos but be careful. And it would be helpful if you switched shoes. What if she had given a male friend of hers that you knew liked her at 3am? How would you feel?
Answer:
I have mixed feelings on this.

You are in a relationship. When you are married, you are one and so you attend things together. Guy doesn't have coffee on his own with a girl.... sends wrong messages creating rumors!

Giving her a ride at all on your own, sends the wrong message either to others, to her and to your girlfriend. If you have someone else in the car, drop the girl off first.

It's a thin line. Do what feels comfortable and right.

Have you given your girlfriend reason to not trust you?
Answer:
Originally Posted by PaidInFull Dittos but be careful. And it would be helpful if you switched shoes. What if she had given a male friend of hers that you knew liked her at 3am? How would you feel? That's what I was going to say. It takes some kind of trust to be okay with that. (trust I have in my girl, but that's not my point.)
Answer:
Oh.. make sure there are always people around to witness you actions.... so truth can be seen if rumors are flying and it doesn't become her word against yours.

I think this is about protecting yourself against the situation.
Answer:
It was 3 people in the car. Why they were out at 3 am might make a huge difference.
Answer:
It was me, my best guy friend, and the other girl.
No bad reason for being out at 3; We had to be at school at 4 am for a band thing. And she just happens to live very close to my best friend, so instead of her mom having to get up and drive her at 3 in the morning, I offered to give her a ride.
Answer:
Originally Posted by supdogface It was me, my best guy friend, and the other girl.
No bad reason for being out at 3; We had to be at school at 4 am for a band thing. And she just happens to live very close to my best friend, so instead of her mom having to get up and drive her at 3 in the morning, I offered to give her a ride.
As far as I'm concerned your a gentleman.