Question:
sometimes i wonder why i ever try with guys because it always ends up with me liking them and them just wanting to be friends. just this past weekend i was with one of my best friends who i thought liked me. we were having a hard time keeping our relationship on the friend level, but we never really defined our relationship. when it was time for me to leave, i told him that if we were going to continue down the path that we were on, we would have to start dating. i trusted him like i've never trusted anyone before... see, i've had some bad relationships with guys who just wanted me because i was pretty and nothing more and i've also had relationships with guys who've cheated on me BIG time. anyway... he ripped my heart out then and there and told me that it was hard for him to not date me because he's been in my shoes. he said that he was attracted to me a lot, but still dodn't want to date me...then, at the end of our discussion, he hugged me and told me he wished he could be that special someone for me but he couldn't right now and then he started to cry. he said that he didn't understand why i would want to be with someone like him when i have other guys after me who are better looking and what not. don't get me wrong, those are his words and definitely not mine. i think he's the hottest guy on earth and the sweetest guy i've ever known (until that moment) im so confused. if he's attracted to me liek he said he was and wants to be me special someone, why isn't he??? its been so hard on me because i never thought he would hurt me like this. i can't eat... i can't sleep... i can't function... i know God is there for me and He's comforted me through the Bible. i don't know what it would be like if I didn't have God in the center of my life. i try to trust Him, but i just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now... answer me this.... why me?? why not him??
Answer:
Originally Posted by MudDuck88 sometimes i wonder why i ever try with guys because it always ends up with me liking them and them just wanting to be friends. just this past weekend i was with one of my best friends who i thought liked me. we were having a hard time keeping our relationship on the friend level, but we never really defined our relationship. when it was time for me to leave, i told him that if we were going to continue down the path that we were on, we would have to start dating. When you say leaving, what do you mean? leaving as in going home for the night? going away for the summer? moving away to another city? A little clarity on that would be helpful in potentially understanding where he's coming from in the rest of your post.
i trusted him like i've never trusted anyone before... see, i've had some bad relationships with guys who just wanted me because i was pretty and nothing more and i've also had relationships with guys who've cheated on me BIG time. anyway... he ripped my heart out then and there and told me that it was hard for him to not date me because he's been in my shoes. he said that he was attracted to me a lot, but still dodn't want to date me...then, at the end of our discussion, he hugged me and told me he wished he could be that special someone for me but he couldn't right now and then he started to cry. he said that he didn't understand why i would want to be with someone like him when i have other guys after me who are better looking and what not. don't get me wrong, those are his words and definitely not mine. i think he's the hottest guy on earth and the sweetest guy i've ever known (until that moment) im so confused. if he's attracted to me liek he said he was and wants to be me special someone, why isn't he??? its been so hard on me because i never thought he would hurt me like this. He is human and is destined to let others down from time to time. Did he give any reasoning, any indication whatsoever, as to why he couldn't date you?
i can't eat... i can't sleep... i can't function... i know God is there for me and He's comforted me through the Bible. i don't know what it would be like if I didn't have God in the center of my life. i try to trust Him, but i just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now... You don't have to see it. Just have faith that it's there. Abraham (my favourite example) was told to leave everything and go. Not exactly a world of knowledge on what to expect. He simply had faith and was later (much later) given the things God had promised him.
answer me this.... why me?? why not him?? Do you know for a fact that he's not struggling with this? He could be putting up a strong facade and yet it may be eating away at him as much if not more than it is at you.
Answer:
"I can't be that special someone" ≠ "I don't love you."
He sounds like he is just trying to talk himself out of you.
Answer:
I, being a guy, think I know why he won't.
He may think that since you have other guys, which he deems as hotter, going out for you, that eventually u will stop liking him and "fall in love", with a better looking guy.
if htis is the case then he may be overly sefl-concious and insecure. Get his explanation and as to why he won't date you, and tell him that you think he is the hottest guy inthe world.
Answer:
I seriously doubt he intended to hurt you. You should ask him why. There's got to be some good answer.
Answer:
Originally Posted by MudDuck88 sometimes i wonder why i ever try with guys because it always ends up with me liking them and them just wanting to be friends. just this past weekend i was with one of my best friends who i thought liked me. we were having a hard time keeping our relationship on the friend level, but we never really defined our relationship. when it was time for me to leave, i told him that if we were going to continue down the path that we were on, we would have to start dating. i trusted him like i've never trusted anyone before... see, i've had some bad relationships with guys who just wanted me because i was pretty and nothing more and i've also had relationships with guys who've cheated on me BIG time. anyway... he ripped my heart out then and there and told me that it was hard for him to not date me because he's been in my shoes. he said that he was attracted to me a lot, but still dodn't want to date me...then, at the end of our discussion, he hugged me and told me he wished he could be that special someone for me but he couldn't right now and then he started to cry. he said that he didn't understand why i would want to be with someone like him when i have other guys after me who are better looking and what not. don't get me wrong, those are his words and definitely not mine. i think he's the hottest guy on earth and the sweetest guy i've ever known (until that moment) im so confused. if he's attracted to me liek he said he was and wants to be me special someone, why isn't he??? its been so hard on me because i never thought he would hurt me like this. i can't eat... i can't sleep... i can't function... i know God is there for me and He's comforted me through the Bible. i don't know what it would be like if I didn't have God in the center of my life. i try to trust Him, but i just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now... answer me this.... why me?? why not him?? Maybe he realizes that he is not mature enough to date right now, and wants to save you and himself the heartbreak if it were to not work out? He might see great potential for something between you two in the future, but feels it would be detrimental to start a relationship at this time, but wants to remain friends until the time is right. You are only 17 and i bet still in highschool, and he probably isn't much older than you. I suggest you talk to him about it instead of lamenting about it and letting your hurt turn to bitterness and resentment towards him.
Your post really comes across like you feel you need a boyfriend to be content, or the only way to be happy is to be on the arm of a guy. I think what you need to do is stop looking for a boyfriend, and start looking to Christ to fill whatever needs you are looking for in a boyfriend/relationship. Once you have found your happiness and contentment in Christ, you will be in a much better position to date and have a lasting relationship. It will also help you to hopefully use better judgement when considering a relaitonship by choosing a spiritually mature guy who won't use you, abuse you, and loose you like it sounds some of your past boyfriends have done.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Chris When you say leaving, what do you mean? leaving as in going home for the night? going away for the summer? moving away to another city? A little clarity on that would be helpful in potentially understanding where he's coming from in the rest of your post..
i meant that he goes to college about an hour away from where i live and where he used to live
Originally Posted by Chris He is human and is destined to let others down from time to time. Did he give any reasoning, any indication whatsoever, as to why he couldn't date you? .
i asked him why he felt the way he did and he said he honestly didn't know and couldn't tell me why
Originally Posted by Chris Do you know for a fact that he's not struggling with this? He could be putting up a strong facade and yet it may be eating away at him as much if not more than it is at you.
all i know is this: that when he was telling me that he wished he could be the guy for me, he started to cry... i mean literally tears rolling down his face crying
thanks for the advice. i loved your example of Abraham because i didn't look at him as a powerful example of trusting God to do what's best. i should have thought of him...
Answer:
Originally Posted by H.M. Murdock "I can't be that special someone" ≠ "I don't love you."
He sounds like he is just trying to talk himself out of you.
talk himself out of me??? what do you mean? i think i know what you mean, but why would he try to talk himself out of dating me??
Answer:
Originally Posted by Rock for God I seriously doubt he intended to hurt you. You should ask him why. There's got to be some good answer.
as i stated in reply to another person, i asked him why and he said he didn't know and therefore couldn't tell me or give me a good reason
Answer:
As a male, I can try to offer another reason (That's probably already been said ), but anyway! Perhaps he doesn't feel he can provide for you if you did date? I mean, I like someone VERY much, but if I knew she liked me back, I still wouldn't date! Confusing? Yeah, probably is, but there's a reason. I realize I'm not nearly old enough, nor mature enough, and wouldn't be able to do any meaningful things with her! She's a wonderful person, but dating her would be a rash, irresponsible decision.
Hopefully I've put a little light on it, if not, oh well, I tried.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Rach Maybe he realizes that he is not mature enough to date right now, and wants to save you and himself the heartbreak if it were to not work out? He might see great potential for something between you two in the future, but feels it would be detrimental to start a relationship at this time, but wants to remain friends until the time is right. You are only 17 and i bet still in highschool, and he probably isn't much older than you. I suggest you talk to him about it instead of lamenting about it and letting your hurt turn to bitterness and resentment towards him.
Your post really comes across like you feel you need a boyfriend to be content, or the only way to be happy is to be on the arm of a guy. I think what you need to do is stop looking for a boyfriend, and start looking to Christ to fill whatever needs you are looking for in a boyfriend/relationship. Once you have found your happiness and contentment in Christ, you will be in a much better position to date and have a lasting relationship. It will also help you to hopefully use better judgement when considering a relaitonship by choosing a spiritually mature guy who won't use you, abuse you, and loose you like it sounds some of your past boyfriends have done.
im not feeling like i need a boyfriend, i was actually not looking for a boyfriend until i went to college. he's been my friend for many many years (the majority of our lives) and things gradually got to the point where i really started to like him as more and i thought he liked me as more. so it wasn't like i went looking for him, it just happened. i got attatched to him as more than a friend and i guess i shouldn't have. the odd part about the whole thing is that we are both spiritually strong and love the Lord more than anything. God's always been the center of our relationship. every time we see eachother we pray for one another and discuss our questions about the Bible and other spiritual topics. i do thank you for your advice, it had been a great help.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Thrash I, being a guy, think I know why he won't.
He may think that since you have other guys, which he deems as hotter, going out for you, that eventually u will stop liking him and "fall in love", with a better looking guy.
if htis is the case then he may be overly sefl-concious and insecure. Get his explanation and as to why he won't date you, and tell him that you think he is the hottest guy inthe world.
you're definitely on the right track. he asked me why i would want to be with him instead of the other guys that he deemed more attractive. i did tell him that i found him more attractive than any other guy i knew and that i would rather spen time with him than any other friend i know. i also told him that looks are not everything and that what's inside is what counts the most and that he has the best character and inside qualities that i could ever ask for.
Answer:
Originally Posted by DaGeek As a male, I can try to offer another reason (That's probably already been said ), but anyway! Perhaps he doesn't feel he can provide for you if you did date? I mean, I like someone VERY much, but if I knew she liked me back, I still wouldn't date! Confusing? Yeah, probably is, but there's a reason. I realize I'm not nearly old enough, nor mature enough, and wouldn't be able to do any meaningful things with her! She's a wonderful person, but dating her would be a rash, irresponsible decision.
Hopefully I've put a little light on it, if not, oh well, I tried.
thanks for your input, maybe that could be the case. the next time i talk to him, maybe i'll try to ask him again why he won't date me and maybe he'll actually give me a REAL answer!!
Answer:
as i stated in reply to another person, i asked him why and he said he didn't know and therefore couldn't tell me or give me a good reason
You answered that after I had already asked the question.
I really don't have much more input on this.