Question:
Hey all. I could appreciate some advice you might have on a very important and personal issue of mine. Here goes...
I'm 21 years old, a guy, in college. I met Bryan in freshman year, and we have best friends ever since. We're both seniors now. Last year, I studied abroad, and we talked together online pretty much everyday. But now that I'm back in the States, I feel like we're drifting apart.
When I was abroad, he met a girl, his first girlfriend. Now I appreciate and can understand the need to be with a girlfriend, and to spend time with her, it feels as though he's not putting much effort into our friendship. We used to get dinner every Sunday--a tradition of sorts--but now, all he can do is "squeeze" me into happy hour--sometimes. When I ask him if he wants to grab dinner, he might say yes, but mostly, he would say "I have to be with my girlfriend."
We've been very good friends since freshman year, and it feels like our friendship doesn't matter now. It also seems like he doesn't want to do anything to hurt his relationship with his girlfriend, but at the cost of our friendship. He can "squeeze" me into hsi schedule, is that how you're supposed to treat a friend? Now, I have met her, and, well, I don't mean to be rude, but she is someone who's quite possessive. She's the one getting him to her place every night, for dinners, concerts, movies, etc... He's quite passive in this way. He's quite shy too.
But it's getting to the point where I really want to say something. Not about her, but about the fact that I feel that our friendship is drifting. Yet, I'm not sure whether I should talk to him. In one sense, I know guys "don't talk about their feelings." If I get the wrong message across, it could seriously hurt our friendship (although I know talking can do wonders).
It's my birthday coming up. I guess I'm just trying to see what he does then. Will he spend the time with his girlfriend? Will he tell her that he needs to spend some time with his bud on his birthday? When I was abroad last year, I did fly back for his 21st birthday (I had break then!). He knew I was leaving a few days afterward, and we were gonna get a drink or two before I left. But that night, his girlfriend came by, and he spent my last night in States with her too... Well, I'm not sure if you needed to know this story or not, but oh well...
Hmm, I dunno. I perhaps might be thinking and feeling about my friendship with Bryan perhaps too seriously, but I dunno. I'm Christian, and I never had real, true friends until college. I seriously do think God somehow meant for us to be friends (sorry if that sounds corny). I met him during freshman orientation once, and never saw him since. Then in my first week of biology (a class of 1000), we were sitting a few seats beside each other. Even though we've never had a class together since, we've kept in touch over IM every night, practically. Last year when I was abroad, he was the only friend who IMed me and kept in touch. But ever since he met a girl, he's started to not use the Internet, and well, that's one form of communication medium lost too. We're completely different people, we really are, but we get along so well. This isn't just some college buddy friendship, I feel, but is something really strong and deep.
Well, sorry if that sounded long. I needed to post a life-story up there without writing My Life. But I would really welcome any advice about how I should proceed. Should I say something? Just let it be and hopefully this is what God intended?...
With thanks.
Answer:
wow someone doesnt like me, just deleting my post. I would tell you to pray, seek God, and have you told your friend all of this?
Answer:
the mod that deleted your post gave this reason: rude and uncalled for...
Answer:
Originally Posted by nix the mod that deleted your post gave this reason: rude and uncalled for...

Answer:
This happens with a lot of friendships.......when the other finds a boy/girl........they drift away.If you start asking how its going with him and his girl.........then he may start letting you back in.But you have to let your bad feelings go and pretend you LOVE his girlfriend(NOT IN THAT WAY) but y ou know what I mean.This kinda hapened to me a long time ago.And now I kniow how my friends felt, all my attention was going on my bf, that was literly ALL I talked about, then my best friends bf broke up with her.Then it made me relize that I should of excepted her bf in to our circle of friendship befor this would happen, and trust me we were still friends but it was different for a long time. So my point is just talk to him like your 100% kool with it and things should be ok.....Even at the end of it.
Hope i helped!
Answer:
Ultimately, God has designed men and women to be together. So, your friend is running the natural course of his life. But also what this means is that they will be devoted to one another in love, and, honestly, friends do fall a little bit by the wayside.
Now, I know there are some of you out there that are best friends with the neighbor next door and he and his wife come over all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there are exceptions to every rule. But generally speaking, when a man and a woman 'find' each other, they devote more time to one another than they do their friends and the friendships 'suffer'.
That is not to say that you cannot remain close or even the best of friends, but that his focus is and will continue to be primarily on his girl (and, frankly, that's the way it should be). Eventually one of these girls will become his wife and then the kids come... etc. One's primary focus in terms of relationships turns to one's family once this all occurs.
My advice to you is to be patient. This is a new thing for this guy (first girlfriend) and it's also happened pretty recently it seems. Support the relationship 100% (if it's fairly healthy... which it sounds to be). Also, realize that the reason you are feeling this way is, to be honest, because you do not have the same thing. You had someone you could really relate to and hang out with all the time, but now you don't. And your friend has found someone else's attention. It's natural to feel a bit jealous and a bit on the "why doesn't he spend any more time with me?" Hang in there...
Eventually, he will want to get away for some 'guy' time (no offense to all you ladies out there, of course).
Answer:
How true to each other have you been in the past?
I've had a guy for a best friend for... wow. Two years now. During that time we've had periods where didn't talk a whole lot, but we have generally talked to each other for at least fourish hours a week online. We're heinously true to each other, and because of that, neither of us have or will drift away because of a girl.
Here is how I see it- if your manfriend can't spend time with you without hurting his girlfriend, he's got a real jerk of a woman on his hands. If you and him are still such good buddies, she should understand.
I can understand his desire to always be with his girlfriend, but... come on. That's just silly.
Talk to him about it. Communicate. If you approve of his relationship with this girl, then say so- what kind of friend could you consider yourself to be if you didn't support him? But you need to talk to him about all this.
Answer:
Once a man gets married to a woman (which will happen eventually with some girl if not this one), that woman is his first priority. My wife and I have been married since March and my friends get fit into my schedule.
I know it hurts, but it's something you just have to work around.