Question:
I'm 21 years old and I just transfered to a small Christian college in WV. When I came to visit the school in April my friends who went here introduced me to a guy, named Scott. We began a friendship online and it quickly progressed to the phone and by the beginning of May he was asking if he could tell people I was his girlfriend. Our relationship progressed really quickly, we used to talk for 2 hours every night on the phone and during the day he would send me cute text messages about how awesome I was and how much he loved me.
We got really close and became best friends, he knew everything about me and vice versa. He has some mental issues ( he says from his pre-christian drug days) and suffers from anxiety attacks, takes medicine and goes to a therapist on and off.. I knew I shouldn't move too fast but he was so sweet and amazing, and said he was so in love with me. I was alittle less leary because of my friends who had fixed us up, they were very good friends of mine, and his. By the middle of the summer we were talking about marriage and life together, what we would name our kids, our dogs, how we would get engaged in may at the end of the spring semester. I was nervous about coming to school and things not being the same but when I arrive at the end of August things were awkward at first then GREAT. I had never been happier in my whole life.
Then about a month ago out of the blue he broke up with me. One day he was asking me if I would go with him to another state if he went to school for his masters, and the next day things were fine at 8:30pm he said he loved me, then at 10:30pm he said he didn't know if he loved me or lusted ( had passion ) for me. In the next couple days he told me that he didn't think he was ready for a serious relationship like he had thought, and that he needed to work on his relationship with God, then a couple days later he told a friend differently and when confronted he just said he didn't see me in his future anymore.
It's been over a month and I've been trying to be strong but I loved him with my whole heart and I have to see him all the time because we go to a really small college ( like 400 ) it hurts me to see he is still the same and I am still the same and we're just not together. It's been a month and while he has been having coffee with girls and hanging out with girls I'm still hung up on the life that I had been planning before with him. I've been hurt by guys before and he knew that, I thought he was different but now I see that he wasn't. My mom says she doesn't think that he knows what he wants, and this doesn't have as much to do with me as it does with issues going on inside his head. I don't want to transfer schools again, but I'm having trouble seeing him be SO ok, when I am not. Everything here has memories of him ties to them. I'm trying to maintain good terms with him, we say hi when we pass in the cafeteria or the lobby because he was such a good friend, and because I kind of hope that sometime down the road maybe when we are in different places in our lives there might be another chance for us, because even with all the pain he caused me he was still an amazing guy, so good to me untill all this happend, we were really good together, really similar and if I believed in their being one person for everyone he would have been it. I know that feeling this way might be making getting over him worse but I don't know what to do at this point. Since we broke up I've spent more time with God, getting my relationship back on track with Him, but I still feel a big void in my heart where I used to have my best friend. I know I just sound like a dumb weepy girl but I really thought this relationship was from God, I thought it was different, now I'm dealing with finding out I was wrong apparently. I'm just not sure how to deal with this.
Answer:
I can't really offer much in the way of advice. I can say that I've walked where you are walking. And eventually you will find your way out of that place. But only in God's time and with his directions. It's good that you are getting back in the word and spending time with Him. Would I be correct in assuming that while you were with this guy, that was a little lacking?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Porcelainheart I'm 21 years old and I just transfered to a small Christian college in WV. When I came to visit the school in April my friends who went here introduced me to a guy, named Scott. We began a friendship online and it quickly progressed to the phone and by the beginning of May he was asking if he could tell people I was his girlfriend. Our relationship progressed really quickly, we used to talk for 2 hours every night on the phone and during the day he would send me cute text messages about how awesome I was and how much he loved me.
We got really close and became best friends, he knew everything about me and vice versa. He has some mental issues ( he says from his pre-christian drug days) and suffers from anxiety attacks, takes medicine and goes to a therapist on and off.. I knew I shouldn't move too fast but he was so sweet and amazing, and said he was so in love with me. I was alittle less leary because of my friends who had fixed us up, they were very good friends of mine, and his. By the middle of the summer we were talking about marriage and life together, what we would name our kids, our dogs, how we would get engaged in may at the end of the spring semester. I was nervous about coming to school and things not being the same but when I arrive at the end of August things were awkward at first then GREAT. I had never been happier in my whole life.
Then about a month ago out of the blue he broke up with me. One day he was asking me if I would go with him to another state if he went to school for his masters, and the next day things were fine at 8:30pm he said he loved me, then at 10:30pm he said he didn't know if he loved me or lusted ( had passion ) for me. In the next couple days he told me that he didn't think he was ready for a serious relationship like he had thought, and that he needed to work on his relationship with God, then a couple days later he told a friend differently and when confronted he just said he didn't see me in his future anymore.
It's been over a month and I've been trying to be strong but I loved him with my whole heart and I have to see him all the time because we go to a really small college ( like 400 ) it hurts me to see he is still the same and I am still the same and we're just not together. It's been a month and while he has been having coffee with girls and hanging out with girls I'm still hung up on the life that I had been planning before with him. I've been hurt by guys before and he knew that, I thought he was different but now I see that he wasn't. My mom says she doesn't think that he knows what he wants, and this doesn't have as much to do with me as it does with issues going on inside his head. I don't want to transfer schools again, but I'm having trouble seeing him be SO ok, when I am not. Everything here has memories of him ties to them. I'm trying to maintain good terms with him, we say hi when we pass in the cafeteria or the lobby because he was such a good friend, and because I kind of hope that sometime down the road maybe when we are in different places in our lives there might be another chance for us, because even with all the pain he caused me he was still an amazing guy, so good to me untill all this happend, we were really good together, really similar and if I believed in their being one person for everyone he would have been it. I know that feeling this way might be making getting over him worse but I don't know what to do at this point. Since we broke up I've spent more time with God, getting my relationship back on track with Him, but I still feel a big void in my heart where I used to have my best friend. I know I just sound like a dumb weepy girl but I really thought this relationship was from God, I thought it was different, now I'm dealing with finding out I was wrong apparently. I'm just not sure how to deal with this.
I wouldnt bank on getting back with him. Just pray and move on, let it be a learning experience.
Answer:
well my relationship with God was there, but not as strong as it should have been. Sadly I think the times I am closest to Him are when I hit rock bottom. I know it shouldn't be that way and I am working on it not being like that anymore, but I guess it will take good times in my life again to know for sure.
I am in some way a realist ( tho I'm not sure I sound that way) and I am moving on the best I can. I think break will be good so I can get away from seeing him all the time. Some days are better than others
Answer:
Tuff luck, huh? I wouldn't expect to have him back, although you can't rule that out, either. Keep praying for God's direction in those matters(as well as in other areas) and listen to what he says. Your old friend- lets call him Mike- may not be the one that would be the best for you. Dear Daddy *joyfully*(in Heaven); Please help 'Porceclainheart" with her problems. Please heal her heart, Lord, in Jesus Christ' holy name, amen!