Question:
I'm completely not sure how to explain this, and really it's not a huge problem. I'm just tired and stressed and want... I'm not sure. I guess advice. I guess I'm in the right place, eh?
I was raised by my grandparents. they're the only family I have, really ((well, until Sept 11 when Chris & I get married and are our own family. )) I'm the embodiment of "Grampaw's little girl" but since I've moved out, I've had a decent relationship with my grandmother. we've been doing the thing parents do when they realize their children are growing up and developing a friendship.
however, it's been greatly frustrating trying to plan the wedding. I think she's been more of a hinderance than a help, and I'd decided right off to just do my owh thing and let her know what was happening... then I got yelled at by another family member that I should try to involve her more. so ever since then it's been difficult and greatly trying.
And now she's getting very sensitive. she's touchy about what I say. She gets mad. The last time we talked on the phone she got upset about a flippant comment I made, as well as saying she felt like I made it sound like she was making up my grampaw's bad back ((story: She told me Sunday how bad his back was and how much in pain he was. I talked to him on Tuesday and he said he was much better. I told him I'd heard it was really bad... apparently she was eavesdropping and thought I was implying she was lying.))
so today Grampaw dropped off my little brother for 6 days "vacation" at my place. She didn't come. I've avoided calling home. I dread our next conversation 'cause I'm pretty sure she's upset... and yet I don't think I've done anything wrong.
heh. most of that was just me venting. sorry.
Answer:
Ah, my sister went through a very simlar thing with her wedding. My grandma had not "allowed" my mom to have the wedding my mom wanted... my grandma was in "total controll" of my mom's wedding (at least this is how my mom felt)... anyways, once my sister began to make plans for her wedding, my mom did the same thing that her mom did.... my mom "took controll" over the planning of my sister's wedding. It was very frustrating for everyone because every Fri. when my mom and sister would go get things ready, they'd get in an argument about the plans and one or both would end up crying by the end. It wasn't a fun 9(?) months.
Anyways, I've seen this very behaviour first hand... and I've heard about it from friends... so I've come to the conclusion that every woman's mom and her mom's mom, and her mom's mom's mom, and etc.... takes controll of the daughter's wedding to have the wedding that the mom never received. It's an on-going/never-ending cycle. But, my sister and mom's relationship healed after the wedding (sort of, but that's a really long story and un-related to the planning issue). So, what I'm meaning to say is, I'm sure this will die down, and you and your grandma will be able to move on after the wedding. BUT... the one thing that my sister didn't do effectively enough was sit down with my mom and explain to her about how her actions were making her feel. So my advice to you would be to sit down with your grandma and explain to her how what she's doing is making you feel.
I hope that made sense and I hope it helps.
Answer:
Awh....Bless your heart. A wedding is special and mostly for the two getting married and ultimatly it's boils down to what you want, not anyone else. However It sounds like poor granny wants help out. awhhhh..And help is awesome!! But you need the right kind of help.........uh, like help out with your plans, of how you want this to go down. So I got 2 ideas for advice..
1. granny needs a hug!!!!
2. make a list of everything you need, everything you want and show granny this is how you always dreamed of your own wedding to be. See what she can do to help. Tell her you apprieciate all the help she can do, but there is one way you want it to be and its on the list and if she can help then fantastic!! Help is much needed but the right kind of help
For some reason people get thier feelings hurt in weddings and its supossed to be about love and unity , so there are ways to bring that together, just pray that God will not let little granny get hurt by your way on the wedding and that she will understand and contribute in ways that will fit the plan perfectly . God bless, your friend ,Melissa
Answer:
I have a rule when I perform a wedding, that I learned from watching my dad perform them. I state up front that this is the BRIDE's special day, and that while people may make suggestions, ultimately, if the bride wants to do the ceremony standing on her head, that's her business, and that's how it will be done. Of course, this only covers the rehearsal and the day of. Tell her to butt out. If there's anything I can't stand, it's controlling, manipulative, emotionally-blackmailing family members. There are a few in my family, and we don't talk much anymore. Tell her she's uninvited if she doesn't back off. Be firm, it's YOUR day. Failure to do so will result in lifelong regret and "what might have been" musing.
Answer:
thanks, everyone. I wasn't really sure if it was a wedding issue or if it was... I don't know. something else. It's kinda a relief that it comes off that way. I've been dealing with wedding related issues for the last year. I can probably handle a little more.
I couldn't find a brave smilie... you get the idea...
Answer:
Originally Posted by danalyn thanks, everyone. I wasn't really sure if it was a wedding issue or if it was... I don't know. something else. It's kinda a relief that it comes off that way. I've been dealing with wedding related issues for the last year. I can probably handle a little more.
I couldn't find a brave smilie... you get the idea...
I just think a serious talk with her is all you can do. Sit her down and just explain. Don't make her feel un-needed. Don't make her feel like she needs to butt out. If you are too harsh with her, you may end up with a very broken relationship she may not care to see healed. But like SilverNitrate (I thinK) said, explain to her what she is making you feel. Tell her that this is very special to you and you want things to be the way you want. Perhaps offer some compromises, but still hold fast to whats the most important to you. Make sure she realizes that this is not about you being stubborn and rebellious, but about your special day that you have been dreaming of. I hope it works out. And even if the wedding does go on just like your Grandma wants, at least you can look forward to a life time with your honey which is far more important and exciting than your wedding! And hopefully you can look forward to increased closeness with your Grandma.