Question:
The other day i bought Derek Webb's new Cd "the house show"...its a live CD and its REALLY good...He does a little preaching but one thing that really hit me is what He says before his new song "i repent".
I've recently realized that most Christians these days determine their spiritual growth on how well they can hide their sins and disguise their faces and lifestyle like they do no wrong and have no hurt. We are not called to hide our sins, James 5 says we should confess our sins to one another for encouragement because when someone confesses of their sins it encourages others that may be struggling in the same aspect in their own life.
One thing i've realized this past year or two and was re-affirmed by what Derek Webb said, that our view of our sin will determine the size of our Savior. If we think our sin is small, our Savior is small. If we magnify our sin and look at it under a periscope instead of through the naked eye which will never make it as real as it is, then we will get the TRUE Savior...who's beyond our cognate thoughts and realization. We will NEVER understand the awesomeness of our sweet Savior until we realize that each one of our sins is heinous in HIS eyes. Until we realize that, our sins will stay small and we will continue to live a small pointless wretched life going through the motions of our empty praise and our dissbelief of what the true gospel is. The AWESOMENESS is that Christ died for not only the sins of murder, rape, robbery and ones of the same likeness, but that HE also died for the sins of masturbation, lust, lieing, disobedience to parents, lack of faith, and even so much as breaking the laws of the state...such as going over the speed limit. Why are we so ashamed of the sins that CHRIST saved us from??? and why are we so judgemental and hateful to others that commit the SAME sins or lesser sins that we ourselves are even commiting, even sometimes the same time or period as they are. Christ in fact has forgiven THEM of theirs as well as the sins we are commiting. Why dont we take the PLANK out of our own eye before we point out the speck in THEIR eye. For Ephesians 4:32 it says "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." And earlier in the gospels it says that if we forvive others then Christ Jesus will forgive us of our sins as well.
So...how big is your Savior??? How big is your sin to you??? If your grasp and thought of your sin is small, then indeed, your Savior will be small as well. If you realize that even that little lie to your parents condemned you to hell, then the vision of your Savior will be large and you will finally get a grasp of your depravity and how desperate you are for a Savior and you will bow in reverence of His holiness and awesomness because that man who did no sin was the one that died for that little meesly sin.
So, not to be hypocritcal and to be spitting out all these words without meaning them or without me myself doing them, I will become a little transperent and be the guinea pig for this feast of repentance, i will name a few of my little sins and a few of my large sins that I have commited that My GOD has forgiven me and has cast to the bottom of the sea. This is the Savior that saved me from:
1. telling my mom that I had cleaned my room when indeed I hadn't
2. telling my parents that my brother broke the window when in fact it was me, and i sat watching him apologize for breaking it and getting the blame instead of me
3. for that time I took a second and third glance at the girl walking down the street
4. from those endless nights where i poisened myself with filth the world provides
5. from the times i acted without faith
6. from the years of being an active porn viewer
7. from the times I used the Lord's name in vain
8. from the times I saw a person in need and shunned him and shut him out, instead of going over in assistance when I knew i had the ability
9. from my words of gossip and hatred towards others
10. from my thoughts of lust and sexual acts that corrupted my mind and caused me to commit spiritual suicide
11. for offering up lip service to my God without meaning what I say...such as saying i have faith when indeed i dont...for saying i trust God when indeed I don't
12. for thinking that im deprived of things I want when in fact im blessed to have the shoes on my feet.
13. for wishing I was a rebellious sex-a-holic teen who got drunk every night and had multiple girlfriends just so i could experience what those of the world have expereienced...but then begging for love and grace from a sweet Savior, but first living a fraternity lifestyle
14. for the times i hated being myself
15. from being a heinous sinner from birth
My glorious Savior saved me from this stuff that may seem large to you, and may seem small to you. But all of the above were times that I dissobeyed my master and each one of those sins could have sent me to hell, just one of them alone. My view of my sin is wretched and heinous and I stand in disgrace of my past and look back and hate myself with it but we as believers are not to dwell on the past sins we commited but to REMEMBER them, not dine with them and let them corrupt our being and infest our thoughts. We are to bow in reverence and fear to the one that SAVED us from that CRAP we let into our lives. We are to look to the future and look up to the sky where forgivness comes from.
This is my heart on my sleeve. This is my heart which I have placed in front of you. Welcome to the life of a sinner. Will you forgive me for the sins ive commited willingly?
feel free to post sins that you commited but have been forgiven from so that we may rejoice with you.
Answer:
I need to point out a few things that were brought to my attention, hahaha. this is something that I felt convicted to do. It was bothering me all day. I understand this is a personal conviction and that I felt like I should do it for my own personal growth, but for you it may be different. That would be breaking your trust and I wouldn't want to do that. I'm talking about in a community of believers we should trust one another and not be judgemental. I was basically pointing out that Christianity is sometimes worse off in the judgemental aspect because we hold a higher standard but most of the time dont even hold up to that standard ourselves.
And number 13, yes, ummmm, odd isnt it hahahaha
and let me rephrase, i dont WISH that upon myself, wrong choice of words. I was thinking of that verse in the gospels (forget where) with the adulterous woman with the glass albaster pouring it on Jesus feet and the pharissee being all peculiar and wondering about it and why He would allow her to. And He said because she was forgiven much. I just wish that I had the joy of my salvation as some lady like HER would have. Or like a person that has been incarcerated or something. You get what im saying??? Im one of the Christians that really had done nothing wrong but am saved. In a sense i wish i were kinda like that girl, or the adulterous woman in John 8. I Think that if i was like that, that I would be more enthusiastic about my Savior and what i do know cuz Christ saved me despite my nightly carousel. Understand???
I really dunno how to say it. Sorry if i offended anyone :-X
If I did i humbly apologize. was a spur of the moment deal, hehe.