Question:
I would like to know if it is possible to balance these two commandments of the Lord:
A man must leave his Mother and Father and cleave to his wife.
&
Honour you Mother and Your Father that your days might be long on the land.
I will give three examples:
1. A young woman, the last child of her mother to get married or leave the house, gets married. She stays with her mother for about three years with her new husband. She, her husband and her mother build a two level house. I believe the mother funded the ground floor and she and her husband the upper level. Her mother has arthritis. They attend the same church. The young woman’s mother depends on her daughter and son-in-law for transportation too and from home. They seem to get along well as an “extended family”.
2. A man who has long since left home to have wife and children finds himself in a situation where his aged mother no longer can take care of herself and needs leave-in-help. He hires a care giver for his mother and visits often (I’m not sure how often.)
3. The next situation is one where a young man gets married and decides not to leave his mother’s home because he is an only child and his mother has diabetes, and hypertension. He also does not want to take her away from the home she has known all her life and lifestyle she has become accustomed too. She is very active in her local church and they live walking distance from it. He says his mother comes first, then his wife and then the children. He wants to be there for his mother.
How does one balance “Honouring Mother and Father” with “cleaving to your spouse”?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Thamar I would like to know if it is possible to balance these two commandments of the Lord:
A man must leave his Mother and Father and cleave to his wife.
&
Honour you Mother and Your Father that your days might be long on the land.
I will give three examples:
1. A young woman, the last child of her mother to get married or leave the house, gets married. She stays with her mother for about three years with her new husband. She, her husband and her mother build a two level house. I believe the mother funded the ground floor and she and her husband the upper level. Her mother has arthritis. They attend the same church. The young woman’s mother depends on her daughter and son-in-law for transportation too and from home. They seem to get along well as an “extended family”.
2. A man who has long since left home to have wife and children finds himself in a situation where his aged mother no longer can take care of herself and needs leave-in-help. He hires a care giver for his mother and visits often (I’m not sure how often.)
3. The next situation is one where a young man gets married and decides not to leave his mother’s home because he is an only child and his mother has diabetes, and hypertension. He also does not want to take her away from the home she has known all her life and lifestyle she has become accustomed too. She is very active in her local church and they live walking distance from it. He says his mother comes first, then his wife and then the children. He wants to be there for his mother.
How does one balance “Honouring Mother and Father” with “cleaving to your spouse”? honestly, I don't see how any of these situations fail to observe the two commands you've mentioned.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Thamar 1. A young woman, the last child of her mother to get married or leave the house, gets married. She stays with her mother for about three years with her new husband. She, her husband and her mother build a two level house. I believe the mother funded the ground floor and she and her husband the upper level. Her mother has arthritis. They attend the same church. The young woman’s mother depends on her daughter and son-in-law for transportation too and from home. They seem to get along well as an “extended family”.
2. A man who has long since left home to have wife and children finds himself in a situation where his aged mother no longer can take care of herself and needs leave-in-help. He hires a care giver for his mother and visits often (I’m not sure how often.) Assuming that they are living with their parents to take care of them, I don't see a problem.
3. The next situation is one where a young man gets married and decides not to leave his mother’s home because he is an only child and his mother has diabetes, and hypertension. He also does not want to take her away from the home she has known all her life and lifestyle she has become accustomed too. She is very active in her local church and they live walking distance from it. He says his mother comes first, then his wife and then the children. He wants to be there for his mother. That man is in sin. He hasn't left his mother nor has he cleaved to his wife.
Its one thing to take care of a sick parent. Its another to put your mother first so she can maintain her standard of living. This man has serious issues.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Bryan honestly, I don't see how any of these situations fail to observe the two commands you've mentioned. A man who openly admits he puts his mother over his wife and children as to maintain his mother's standard of living?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Sean
That man is in sin. He hasn't left his mother nor has he cleaved to his wife.
Its one thing to take care of a sick parent. Its another to put your mother first so she can maintain her standard of living. This man has serious issues. he may be a little attached to his mother, but he's obviously supporting his mother, I see nothing wrong with this. And I see no command that we must love our wife more than our parents or vice versa.
Answer:
he may be a little attached to his mother, but he's obviously supporting his mother, I see nothing wrong with this. And I see no command that we must love our wife more than our parents or vice versa. He is not only supporting his mother, but he is catering to her. She doesn't appear to have health problems serious enough to need live in care. She has diabetes and hypertension. She is very active in their church. She lives walking distance from the church. That seems to imply that they walk to church. Her diabetes and hypertension doesn't seem to hold her back enough to warrant him living with her.
On top of this, him and his wife are one flesh. That means that he is not only responsible for himself but for the welfare of his family. I know of no wife that likes to be second place to her mother-in-law. I suspect that he is hurting his family with his actions. Even if he is not, his priorities are such that he would rather hurt his family than his mother. He is failing in his duties as a husband and father.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Bryan he may be a little attached to his mother, but he's obviously supporting his mother, I see nothing wrong with this. And I see no command that we must love our wife more than our parents or vice versa. I don't see how a command to leave your parents and cleave to your wife leaves the option to care more about your mother than your wife.
Answer:
Just expanding, not disagreeing at...
Originally Posted by tlj009 I suspect that he is hurting his family with his actions. Even if he is not, his priorities are such that he would rather hurt his family than his mother. He is failing in his duties as a husband and father. Not only would he rather hurt his family than his mother, he'd rather hurt his family than take away the lifestyle his mother has become accustomed to.
Answer:
Not only would he rather hurt his family than his mother, he'd rather hurt his family than take away the lifestyle his mother has become accustomed to. You are correct. We honour our parents out our own expense not at the expense of others and not at the expense of our family. He has two responsiblities, but you don't neglect one responsiblity to exceed the other.
Answer:
Originally Posted by tlj009 You are correct. We honour our parents out our own expense not at the expense of others and not at the expense of our family. He has two responsiblities, but you don't neglect one responsiblity to exceed the other. you're assuming he is neglecting his family. I see no reason to believe so based on the information provided.
Answer:
you're assuming he is neglecting his family. I see no reason to believe so based on the information provided. At the very least, his priorities suggest that he would not be opposed to neglecting his family for his mother. She is number one after all.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Sean That man is in sin. He hasn't left his mother nor has he cleaved to his wife. How is this different from the first scenario?
Oh wait... man, not woman.
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach How is this different from the first scenario?
Or the specific emphasis on his mother's standard of living and that his mother comes first over his wife and kids. The emphasis on the first situation was that the mother can't move around very well, they helper her and they get along. The emphasis of the third was on the fact that the guy wants his mother to be happy and cares more about her than his wife and kids.
Oh wait... man, not woman. That didn't even cross my mind.
Answer:
Or the specific emphasis on his mother's standard of living and that his mother comes first over his wife and kids. The emphasis on the first situation was that the mother can't move around very well, they helper her and they get along. The emphasis of the third was on the fact that the guy wants his mother to be happy and cares more about her than his wife and kids. Also in the first scenario.
They seem to get along well as an “extended family”. Oh wait... man, not woman. That is actually a big difference in the scenarios. The husband is head of the house, not the wife. Not to say that the wife doesn't have responsibilities to the family, but ultimately the husband is responsible for the welfare of his family. If the situation in the first scenario were hurting the family, it would still be the husband’s fault, unless of course the wife was going against his wishes. In the first scenario, there is a consensus between husband and wife that I don't see in the last scenario.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Sean I don't see how a command to leave your parents and cleave to your wife leaves the option to care more about your mother than your wife.
Bingo.